The Giving Tree
by CajunQueen714
Summary: You've seen the movie, you've sung along to the songs, you've loved the characters, know the script off by heart and believed in the story line. What if what you saw on screen wasn't exactly what happened? The Giving Tree, as told by Beca Mitchell.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **Here it is, my contribution to the Valentine's Day Challenge ... well, part of it anyway! This fic has slowly but surely taken on a life of its own...it's become quite the monster and I've been on the fence about it for the last week. It's looking like it's going to be at least three chapters. So, please bear with me.

Very special thank you's to Waatp (Corinne) and Raven12 (Stacey) for your constant love and support throughout the writing process. I doubted my abilities a few times and you both encouraged me to stick with it. I will forever be in your debt.

So, without further ado, I give you "The Giving Tree"

* * *

**o~O~o**

**"_If you love deeply, _ _you're going to get hurt badly. _ _But it's still worth it."_**

**_~C. S. Lewis~_**

**o~O~o**

* * *

**o~O~o**

As I stare into the cherubic face of my newborn daughter as she nuzzles my breast, I'm immediately brought back to the plethora of events that led up to this point. I am a mother. Holy shit… I am a Mommy. And now I've cussed and have to put money in the swear jar… Fuck! That damn thing is overflowing because of me. After 36 hours of labor, I know I just paid for a fucking 10 day Disney vacation for all of us.

"_**I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance,**_

_**Never settle for the path of least resistance**_

_**Livin' might mean takin' chances but they're worth takin',**_

_**Lovin' might be a mistake but it's worth makin',**_

_**Don't let some hell bent heart leave you bitter,**_

_**When you come close to sellin' out reconsider,**_

_**Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance,**_

_**And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance."**_

Motherhood is not something I ever saw for myself. It's funny how one person can change the way you see your life. This sweet, tiny, beautiful little girl is here because we love each other enough to fight. Our love is fierce and real. I never truly knew what love was until _he _came into my life and now, I can't imagine my life without him, without love… only I can imagine it, because for a short time, I did live without him, without love and it was total agony.

"_**I hope you dance...I hope you dance.**_

_**I hope you dance...I hope you dance.**_

_**I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,**_

_**Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,**_

_**Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance, **_

_**And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance." **_

"Oh my sweet Scarlett Anastasia, you, my little love, are so wanted and so loved. I knew I loved you before I met you and I knew you would be my everything. I hope you feel that love everyday of your life. Your daddy and I couldn't be happier that you're finally here, we've been waiting for you for so long. You are the piece to our puzzle that we didn't even know was missing." I paused and took a deep breath. "Ok, that was getting a little too mushy, so Miss Sassafras, shall I tell you how you came to be?"

* * *

**o~O~o**

**"Love is like the wind, you can't see it but you can feel it."**

**~Nicholas Sparks~**

**_A Walk to Remember_**

**o~O~o**

* * *

It was no secret that I, Beca Mitchell, didn't want to go to college. I wanted Los Angeles, I wanted to produce music and I wanted make a name for myself but my mom and dad wanted college. To keep the peace, I agreed to go to Barden University in Georgia, where my dad is a professor and take some shitty courses that I knew I'd never use out in the real world.

So, I left my mom in Brentwood, Tennessee just a few miles South of Nashville and headed to Barden. When I arrived at the airport, I called a cab and set out to conquer the world... or more to the point to aggravate the living soul out of my dad until he agreed to let me go to Los Angeles. I had my plan all sorted out.

As soon as I stepped foot on campus, I was greeted by one weirdo after another. First there was the bubbly blonde from the welcoming committee then the cute weirdo playing air guitar and singing from the backseat of his parents car. Just when I thought things couldn't get any stranger... enter the roommate and cue the Jaws theme music.

Sure, I'd been to Barden a lot over the last several years. When my parents divorced, I was 14 and it was decided that I would spend every other holiday and six weeks of summer in Georgia with my dad. I knew the campus like the back of my hand but nothing and no one could have prepared me for the things I would encounter as a student.

I was seriously beginning to wonder what my parents were thinking by sending me here, when I was reminded by my dad's sorry attempts to be the cool dad he thought he was as he came to greet me in my dorm room. After an awkward hug and an awful Chris Rock impersonation my dad set out to tell me all about the great things Barden had to offer.

My dad was under the mistaken impression that I wanted to be a DJ. He couldn't have been more wrong. If he would _just_ take two minutes to listen to me, he'd know that I wanted to _produce_ music, not be a DJ like Rick Dees. I didn't even know who Rick Dees was nor do I care. Sure, I worked at the high school radio station three of the four years I was there but it was for the experience and because they let me play my mixes not because I wanted to be a DJ.

In the middle of his long ass speech, I decided to head down to the activities fair, not because I wanted to join a club but because I needed to be away from my dad. Don't get me wrong, he's an awesome guy, the best actually but once he gets an idea in his head he's like a dog with a bone. I guess I am more like him than I care to admit.

Ahhh… the activities fair; cue more weirdos. I had no fucking clue that Barden had a Quidditch team. Were these people for real? As I wandered around the activities fair, I found a booth for the 'Barden DJ's'. Little did I know DJ was short for Deaf Jews.

It was at that booth, that I met a rather unusual Australian chick who talked about '_Fiddler on the Roof'_ and Aboriginals. Strange! I casually slicked away so I could continue my walk through the quad and was approached by a pretentious blonde that called me a bitch, _to my face_, and her hyperactive red headed friend. They wanted me to join their a capella group and help them '_make their dreams a reality'_. I still shudder at the memory and her extreme peppiness.

I felt like saying, '_Earth to the crazy red head, lose the stuck up blonde bitch and you'll increase your chances'_ but I didn't. I told them I didn't sing, which was a total lie and went about my way. My dad was seriously mental for not one but two reasons. One for choosing to teach here and two, for making me attend this wackadoo school.

* * *

**o~O~o**

Within a week of starting school, I secured an internship at the radio station. It couldn't be all that bad, right? It would give me something to do and hopefully, I'd get my mixes played on the radio. It was a win win in my book... that was until I showed up on the first day.

Secretly, I'd been hoping to see the cute weirdo that I spotted on move in day around campus. To my surprise and secret pleasure, he had also gotten an internship and as it turns out, we would be spending a lot of down time together. Unfortunately, we were told by a heavily tattooed English kid that '_freshman aren't allowed in the booth'_, that we'd be stacking CD's and that we weren't allowed to have sex on the desk because he'd been _'burned before'_. How fucking boring?! I wanted to play music not stack CD's on shelves that clearly hadn't been dusted in ages judging by the amount of times I sneezed in that first week. Not to mention, I couldn't even reach half the shelves. And this dude seriously thought that we were going to have sex on the desk?! Did he see the layers of dust on everything? Gross! This was going to be a fucking nightmare... or so I thought.

Jesse, the cute air guitar playing weirdo, wasn't half bad. He made working in the the dingy radio station fun. We laughed and joked, ate meals together and even started hanging out outside of work. I had my first college friend so my dad could finally get off my back. Jesse made college bearable. He made it fun and interesting even if he was a movie loving nerd. It also helped that he was quite easy on the eye and had a killer smile.

A few weeks later, an unexpected visit from my dad served to first piss me off then shock the hell out of me. He went on and on about how great college was and how I should be creating memories. I was creating memories, just none that I was willing to talk to him about. When he asked if I had any friends, I didn't offer up Jesse's name, I wasn't prepared to share those visual jpegs with my father. If I did, he would go all overbearing dad on me and preach to me about safe sex. That was the last thing I needed.

I told him I got a job at the radio station and he immediately went on to say that the people that worked there were weirdos and I needed to put myself out there and make an effort to make friends. He suggested that I join a club. A club! He must have heard me growl because when I turned around he told me to join a club and if after a year I still wanted to go to LA, then he would support my decision and help me move but if I joined a club and decided to stay at Barden to finish my four year degree, we would not only help me move to LA he would also buy me a new car. I love my little Jetta but a new car! Wow! Maybe I really did need to give college a shot.

Ok, so maybe my dad wasn't so bad after all. Compared to some parents he was actually quite tolerable. When he left, I decided I need some time and space to clear my head and since Kimmy Jin aka the roommate from hell, wasn't leaving anytime soon, I decided to leave. Seemed like the only time I got any peace and quiet was when I was in the shower anyway.

* * *

**o~O~o**

Despite what I told those aca-bitches at the activities fair, I do actually sing, and quite well I might add and that's not just me tooting my own horn. I'm a music lover. I always have a tune in my head. Walking into the showers, I was minding my own business and trying not to think about Jesse's eyes, lips and ass while and singing 'Titanium' by David Guetta. It was one of my favorite songs. Of course, had I known what was about to happen, I would have gladly kept my mouth shut.

I was no sooner in the shower when I heart, "You can sing!"

"DUDE!" I yelled back, pulling the shower curtain with me. Had I mentioned at this point that I'm as naked as the day I was born?!

"How high does your belt go?" This overly cheerful redhead who looked familiar but I just couldn't quite place her face asked me as she barrelled further into my shower stall.

"My what?! Oh my God!" In my mind I'm screaming 'get the fuck out'. I don't know this crazy broad although I remember her standing next to a stuck up blonde who called me a bitch. To. My. Face.

"You have to audition for the Bellas." the ginger freak said, and I'm lost for words like I'm lost for clothes. She's got her hands on her hips but that doesn't excuse the fact that the see through shower curtain will leave nothing to anyone's imagination.

"I can't concentrate on anything you're saying until you cover your junk."

"Just consider it. One time… we sang back-up for Prince. His butt is so tiny that I can like hold it with one hand." She said in a sing song voice. Dude, I don't fucking care. GET OUT!

"Seriously?! I'm nude!"

"You were singing Titanium right?"

"You know David Guetta?"

"Have I been living under a rock? Yeah! That song is my jam… my diddle jam." Red said, looking so proud. Wait, what? What the fuck did she just say to me? Beyond gross dude. Be polite. Don't make eye contact. She'll leave in a minute.

"That's nice."

"It is. Song really builds."

Oh hell no! Did she just say..."Gross!"

"Can you sing it for me?" Oh shit, is she coming on to me? Bitch just asked me to sing her her diddle song.

"Ewe... Dude no! Get out!"

"Not for that reason. I'm not leaving here until you sing, so..."

Against my better judgment and because it was painfully obvious that the weirdo was not leaving, I sang. As I sang and thankfully she did not diddle herself in my shower stall, but she did harmonize with me. I was quite shocked. I'm not sure if it was the acoustics in the bathroom or what, but we actually sounded good.

After a few awkward glances, Chloe looked at me and said, "Oh, yeah, I'm pretty confident about…" motioning to her body, "... all this."

"You should be."

I guess Chloe started to have some sympathy for me as I was standing there covering my junk with a couple of shower loofahs because she finally turned around, grabbed my towel and handed it to me. I used that thing like a shield of armor as I tried to keep every last shred of dignity I had left.

"Umm… I _still _need to shower." I said, maintaining eye contact so it would stop looking like we were checking each other out.

"I'm Chloe, by the way." She stood there and offered me her hand.

"Yeah, right… I, umm… I'm Beca. It's nice to meet you and all that but I'm not touching you while I'm naked."

"You have a lovely voice."

What the fuck? Who's that? Wait, I recognise those dulcet tones. A tall dude comes into view and yep, what are the fucking chances! "Jack?!"

"Beca?!"

"Wait! You two know each other?" Chloe asked completely baffled.

"Well... we watched a porn together at a party Junior year."

Chloe screeched. "Oh my God! You two watched a porn together?!" pointing between Beca and Jack.

"And... we kinda fooled around a bit." I said with a proud grin.

"But we didn't have sex." Jack confessed.

"You and I," Chloe said, pointing between herself and Jack, "were just having sex two stalls over. Talk about a small world... Mind BLOWN!"

"Well, judging by the size of his package, more than your mind got blown!" I coughed. "So inquiring minds want to know... does the steam from the shower help things stretch or does it just dry everything out?"

"Beca! That's a very personal question!"

"Oh… excuse me. Need I remind you that you're in _MY_ shower stall? I was over here minding my own fucking damn business when you burst in like a bull in a China shop and asked me how high my fucking belt goes."

"That's true… I did do that." Chloe said having the grace to look somewhat ashamed of herself.

"Well, for the record… I can't tell you how high my belt goes but I can tell you how high my foot goes and getting itchy to kick some ass!"

"Ok, well… I'll see you at auditions!" Chloe singsonged as she exited my shower stall, taking Jack with her. He looked back and winked at me before he walked away. I responded by giving him my best eye roll. Urgh.

Is nothing sacred anymore? I _was _beginning to think that Barden was just some weird hippy love fest but now… now I know it's something that should most definitely come with a fucking warning label. I really needed to talk to my dad about the weirdos at this school. I'm sure he wouldn't appreciate finding out that some naked, extremely hyperactive, junk diddling weirdo walked in on my shower or that her equally naked boy toy, who I just so happen to know from high school, walked in shortly after. I will admit... the boy was hung, but that's really not the point. My dad thought the people that worked at the radio station _were _weird. They ain't got nothin' on this chick.

* * *

**o~O~o**

So, I did ultimately decide to audition for the Bellas, but only because Jesse said he was auditioning for the Trebles. He really is quite persuasive and I figured if my cute weirdo could do it, then so could I. I did take him a little by surprise when I didn't sing Kelly Clarkson's 'Since You've Been Gone' because let's face it, I could never be as mainstream as all that. Instead, I stole the aca-Nazi's pen cup, tapped out a beat while sitting Indian style on the stage while singing Lulu and The Lampshade's 'You're Gonna Miss Me'. I could tell I'd pissed Miss. Every-Hair-In-Place off but I wasn't there to make a best friend out of her or anyone else for that matter.

Somehow I got in though.

I knew I was in trouble the minute I took the Bella oath. Who did this bitch think she was? She was not going to dictate who I could and couldn't sleep with. If I wanted to fuck the sexy, organized nerd singing weirdo, than by God, that's exactly what I was going to do.

Things with Jesse and I had already gotten closer than I thought they would and we were bound to go _there _soon. We were spending every spare moment together and enjoying it. There was a definite attraction. We found ourselves doing things like, intentionally brushing against the other while stacking CD's at the radio station, reaching for the same chip in the bowl, I liked the cheesiest Doritos and apparently, so did Jesse. He even would stretch his arms above his head and oh-so-casually drop them around my shoulder when we were watching a movie. It was actually, dare I say it... cute.

For the first time, I actually found myself caring about what I looked like. I started wearing low cut shirts and tighter jeans, and as a little added bonus, I'd take my flannel shirts off so I could show off the girls. He's a boob guy and couldn't resist staring and I… well, I couldn't resist teasing him, if I'm honest!.

Jesse wore tight t-shirts that showed off his amazing arms and jeans that hugged all the right places. He made a point of doing similar things to me. He once caught me staring at him while I was eating my lunch. I was so far off in my own little world, daydreaming about what I wanted to do to Jesse, that I didn't notice he was no longer stacking. My thoughts were interrupted by his heavenly mouth placing feather light kisses along my shoulder and neck. That resulted was a hot and heavy makeout session and some heavy petting while Luke was on an office supply run.

* * *

o~O~o

Initiation

and

Hood Night

**o~O~o  
**

Initiation into the Bellas was interesting. As I sat in my dorm room creating a new mix, I heard someone knock and Kimmy Jin let them in. A pillowcase was thrown over my head; I was kidnapped and marched across campus to the Bellas rehearsal hall. It was all quite frightening actually. When the pillowcase was finally removed from my head, I looked around the candlelit room taking in 'the mood' as Chloe called it. They must have been lighting candles for hours or perhaps the Pyrotechnics club was in there before us. I was suddenly feeling like a sacrificial lamb brought to the slaughter.

When I refused to 'drink the blood of the sisters that came before us' from the 'Chalice of Bella Life', Aubrey rolled her eyes at me and said, "It's tradition". Chloe looked at me and whispered, "It's Boone's Farm." Against my better judgment, I took the chalice and tipped it back only allowing the liquid inside to just touch my lip; I didn't actually drink any, then passed it to my left.

Aubrey then handed us each as yellow scarf and told us to repeat after her like we're a bunch of Kindergarteners. We had to take some crazy strange oath and then we had to take this strange oath about not having sexual relations with Treblemakers and wolves ripping out our vocal chords. Initiation night was by far the weirdest thing I think I've experienced.

Except maybe that time I caught our old Principal stroking a chicken in his office wearing fairy wings and then making out with the school secretary who was at least three hundred years past her sell by date. I can't even... we promised we'd never speak of it. Urgh.

After initiation, we all went to the Greek Theatre to 'soften the beach' which I'm guessing is code for destroy the enemy. Within minutes of arriving, I heard what sounded like a dying bird. "_Be-caw, Be-caw!"_ Jesse squawked as he was stepping over the cement benches toward me. Why didn't he just walk around? The boy was weird but damn was he ever hot and he was drunk... very drunk.

He started spouting off something about me being an a-capella girl, him being an a-capella boy and _*gulp*_ we were gonna have a-ca children and how it was '_inevitable'_. Yep! He was definitely drunk and wouldn't remember anything in the morning, though he claimed that he wasn't and said that I was '_just blurry'_. As he crawled back over the cement benches to go get us some drinks, I told him to 'be careful' and prayed he didn't slip because I wanted a piece of that ass. Mmm... his cute, sweet, tight ass. I wonder if he knew then that he did things to me that I couldn't talk about with anyone.

I lost count of the number of embarrassing things Jesse said and did at the party. The boy had a set of lungs and knew how to use them and while the word vomit that poured from his mouth was entertaining, it was more than slightly disturbing at times. I managed to quiet him down by getting him to sit down and talk. I was being watched like a hawk by the blonde Nazi so touching and other forms of affection was completely out of the question.

Within a couple of hours, we were both drunk and bored out of our minds. Since, Aubrey was inebriated and otherwise _occupied_ with Howie, Jesse and I decided to sneak off to my dorm room since Kimmy Jin was out for the night. She mumbled something about a Wii competition and an origami club meeting. Honestly, I'm not sure why her parents paid for the dorm, she was never in it. She slept out most nights, not that I'm complaining but her snoring made me feel like I was on the beach during Pearl Harbor.

Jesse and I literally held each other up for the long seven minute walk across campus. As we swayed we sang and for two stupid drunk people, we actually sang pretty well. We stumbled into my dorm room and Jesse landed on the floor with a loud thud, we immediately both burst into laughter. We sat around listening to music and talking. One thing lead to another and well… I was very happily trebleboned, three times in fact and I can honestly say, I don't regret it. I'm glad my first time was with someone I trusted as not only a friend but quite potentially more than that.

Jesse was attentive, gentle and kind, loving and sweet. He did his best to make sure that I was comfortable and most of all, he made me feel special and dare I say… loved. It wasn't until after round two that he told me that it was also his first time. I could understand why _I_ hadn't ever been with anyone, most guys were intimidated by me and couldn't see past my snark or my scary ear spike, but Jesse? He's a catch… what was his excuse?

* * *

**o~O~o**

_**"We're all a little weird. And life is a little weird. **_

_**And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, **_

_**we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness**_

_**—and call it love—true love." **_

_**~Robert Fulghum~ **_

_**True Love**_

**o~O~o**

* * *

o~O~o

First Bella Rehearsal

o~O~o

The next morning it dawned on me that some how, some way I was going to have to keep a straight face about the evening's events at Bella's rehearsal. Hopefully, nothing would be said and I wouldn't have to worry about it. No such luck. The minute we were all seated, Aubrey was on it like stink on shit.

I'm seriously convinced that Aubrey is part bloodhound. Her sniffer was working overtime and even though I showered, I was certain that she was going to smell the treble on me. Oh well, who gives a shit if she did? If I got kicked out of the Bellas, then I'm was no worse off than I was before.

I was _so_ right about Aubrey, she was '_Dixie Chick serious' _about the oath. Dixie Chick serious? How old is she? I suddenly had visions of Joan Crawford from the movie "Mommie Dearest'… "_No wire hangers!"_ Yes, I've seen the movie... Jesse made me watch it and surprisingly, I stayed awake and watched the entire thing and I will admit I preferred that to some sappy shit he tried to encourage me to watch.

Somehow, Aubrey knew that Kori had done the deed with a Treble and she was disinvited from the Bellas. Is disinvited even a real word? Anyway, she never suspected me or if she did, she chose not to say anything, which I highly doubt. She had something to say about everything especially when it came to the Trebles.

She explained that we could fool around with whoever we wanted to just not a Treble. Stacie, the veteran slut, motioned to her lady bits, and said "that's not going to be easy… he's a hunter.' I can't believe she called it a dude. This chick is off her damn rocker. Aubrey then told us about the Trebles not respecting us and if we allowed them to penetrate us then 'we're giving them our power', what the fuck did she mean by that? Who knows?

When Aubrey asked if anyone had anything to confess, we all looked around at each other, most of us avoiding making eye contact so it was obvious a few of us had something to hide. I pulled my hair around my face and tried to hide my shit eating grin as I remembered Jesse's tricks from the night before.

Poor Mary Elise was caught red handed though and asked for her scarf. She told Aubrey 'it was an accident. It landed in my hand.' Yeah, whatever Mary Elise was seling, Aubrey wasn't buying. Mary Elise dragged her chair part of the way out of the rehearsal hall then ran crying down the hall. This part of the day did irk me somewhat but the Aca-Nazi just flared her nostrils at me when I challenged her. She went so wide, I swear I could see parts of her brain. But, anyway, what did I know? Apparently, '_this is war'_ and the Bellas were out for Treble blood. What the fuck did I get myself into and was it even possible to get out of it?

Aubrey went on a little rant about 'prepping her soldiers at go to time with three kickass songs sung and choreographed to perfection'. Was she looking at the same set list I was looking at? These songs weren't even from this century let alone 'kickass'. They were lame and boring at best. The only way the Bella's were going to win this war was if the competition didn't show up.

Cue Lilly and her extreme weirdness. From what I've gathered in the short time I've been around her, this adorable little weirdo is extremely quiet and has exactly three speeds: slow, stop and 'Dearly beloved we are gather here today…" Maybe that's where her obsession with death comes from. Someone please remind me how on Earth did she even make the cut? I've heard a lot of strange things in my life but the things this chick mutters beneath her breath takes the cake.

She whispered, "What happened last year?" I could hear her because I was sitting right next to her but the others couldn't hear or understand what she said. A little and I do mean only a little louder, she asked, "_What happened last year? And do you guys want to see a dead body?" _ And no, I'm not shitting you. Ok... now I'm officially looking for the closest exit. Maybe I should have taken Jesse up on his offer to meet me after rehearsal because I don't want this weirdo following me.

Chloe had to calm Aubrey and was heard whispering, '_We don't want a repeat of last year.' _ Naturally, everyone wanted to know '_What happened last year?' _

Turns out that Aubrey's little issue got the better of her at the finals the previous year and the Bella's were disqualified because she sang to her BFF Chuck on the microphone and he was so impressed by her solo that he decided to make an appearance... all over the third row.

After watching the YouTube video of the Bellas performance at the ICCA's, we discovered that Aubrey has a projectile vomiting issue... like bad and that's all I'm going to say about that. Truth, I'm still trying to get over it. It's disgusting but without a shadow of a doubt, the most entertaining Bellas performance to date.

Rehearsal was a complete waste of time. We ran, did vocal warms and were given our Bella issued uniforms and death traps aka the most uncomfortable heels East of the Mississippi. And if that wasn't bad enough, we were taught everything we had just seen in the disgusting, yet informative YouTube video. Same songs, same dance, different Bella's... but something else needed to change. We weren't going to win anything based on the list of songs were we were given at the beginning of rehearsal.

As I was going to collect my things to leave, Aubrey called me over for a talk. Judging by the looks I got throughout rehearsal, she did not like me. I'm positive that the only reason I'm here is thanks to Chloe.

Aubrey called me out on my earrings and ear spike and said that I'd have to remove them for the SBT Fall Mixer. After that, I fully expected that she would say something about my tattoos but I guess she decided to choose her battles with me wisely.

And then she lowered the boom. As she accused me of having a '_toner for Jesse'_, she looked at my crotch and said '_it's distracting'_. I did wonder if she knew then about Jesse and I but she was too busy sharing her definition of what a toner was. Apparently it's a '_musical boner'_. Ok, so maybe I do have a '_toner'_ for Jesse but I won't apologize for it. If she heard him sing, she'd have one too.

* * *

o~O~o

SBT Fall Mixer

o~O~o

Our performance at the SBT Fall Mixer, a few days later, was cut short, which I'm actually pretty happy about as Amy was singing so loudly in my ear, that I think I have permanent hearing loss. We sounded terrible, of course, but we could only be as good as our teacher and quite frankly, Aubrey sucked. Who gave her the reins and the wherewithal to rule over all things aca? Seriously?! Did I really just say aca? I need a drink!

Howie referred to the performance as a '_barnyard explosion' _and said that he wasn't going to pay us. That actually was bad news for the group as we needed the money to pay for Regionals and according to Aubrey a bikini car wash was completely out of the question.

Personally, I think she was conscious of people comparing her stick figure to Stacie's rather bodacious one. At some point, Amy even offered to take one for the team and I swear I heard Lilly mutter something about her being paid double to put her clothes back on but personally I think Amy is great! Chick says what she likes and there's no fakeness or silly traditions with her.

Aubrey singlehandedly managed to tear into each and everyone of us about our performance as she herded us like sheep to the front of the frat house. She even went after Chloe who's supposed to be her best friend. After being yelled at about her voice not sounding '_Aguilerian'_, Chloe confessed that she had nodes. What the fuck is Aguilerian? I seriously think this Blondie makes this shit up.

Not knowing what nodes were, I asked and Aubrey looked at me like I was a fucking idiot for asking before finally explaining that it's the '_rubbing together of your vocal chords at above average rates without proper lubrication'_. Chloe looked at me with such sad eyes and said, '_They sit on your vocal chords and crush your dreams'_. I resisted the urge to shout out at Aubrey that she was the one who crushed dreams but fuck it, I couldn't be bothered. I also couldn't risk being turned to stone by Medusa's glare.

Cue Amy and her ill timed weirdness. '_At least it's not herpes... or do you have that as well?' _ Geez Amy, talk about blunt! Then she told Chloe that the reason she got nodes was because '_God was punishing you for being a ginger'_. She also told us that she had a cat with nodes who was the best cat ever but her family killed the cat in the forest and told Chloe that if anyone asked her to go into the forest that she shouldn't do it. I loved the stunned looks on everyone's faces and how no one wanted to sit next to Amy on the bus ride home). That made my day.

I couldn't help it. I busted out laughing. These bitches were fucking crazy. Between Lilly's weird obsession with fire and dead bodies, Stacey's hunter always being on the prowl and Amy's crazy antics I just couldn't hold it in any longer. I doubled over with laughter. This group of girls were the strangest people I'd ever met. Maybe being a Bella wouldn't be so bad after all.

* * *

**o~O~o**

The next day at the radio station, while stacking CD's and records, Jesse decided to act silly while playing with several of the record sleeves. He held Ted Nugent's 'Cat Scratch Fever' record in front of his face and when he dropped it, I swear his facial expression was spot on and I wanted to jump his bones right then and there.

Unfortunately, Luke saw us playing around and decided to break it up by asking Jesse to go his lunch. Jesse saw an opening and decided to throw an insult Luke's way. He told him that he '_should probably lay off the burgers, you're not gonna be twenty two forever you know?'. _I thought it was pretty funny seeing as I only ever see Luke eat some kind of arty farty health food shit he gets from Whole Foods. He said it was better than any '_rubbish' _us Americans eat.

Luke lifted his shirt and looked down at his beautifully chiseled abs and said, '_I think I'm good.'_ My mistake in this whole testosterone filled scenario? Well… I agreed with Luke but in all honesty, he really _was _good. Don't get me wrong, Luke is hot but he's so not my type and he does seem to get off on pushing Jesse's buttons… especially when it comes to me.

In an instant, the green eyed monster filled Jesse and little sparks of jealousy began shooting from his pores. He mumbled, '_and the chess match continues'_ as he walked out. As far as I was concerned there was no chess match but I needed to stay in Luke's good graces if I wanted my mixes played on the radio. I knew there was only a snowball's chance in hell that would happen but it was better than a flat out no.

I only have eyes for Jesse and I really wish he could see that. He claims to have seen the way other guys look at me. Personally, I think he's crazy. Not many guys are gonna look at a moody alt girl wearing dark clothes and a scary ear spike. I'm luckier than a dog with two dicks, Jesse is a rare find and for whatever reason he keeps coming around.

When Jesse got back to the station with Luke's 'food', I use that term loosely as he sloshed some green smoothie shit that's got rice, spinach and seaweed and something fluorescent in it, on the desk. Jesse took a few minutes to pout like a petulant child and then came looking for me, which I knew he would.

I was upstairs waiting, hoping he'd come looking for me and… he did! Our hot and heavy make out session turned into us having sex up against the wall. What? Don't look at me in that tone of voice! Luke said no sex on the desk... walls were not mentioned. Nor was the couch at the back of the studio, or the stairs leading to the archives or the parking lot outside or... sssh, never tell... the hood of Luke's car. When the mood hits, always strike while the iron is hot.

* * *

**o~O~o**

The Riff Off was a few days later and Jesse almost got us caught. So I wasn't _entirely _afraid of the oath that we had had to take to join the Bellas, but Blondie had a way of staring at you that made you feel... I dunno, like she would vomit on you if you didn't adhere to it. I could have killed him though. Ok, that's an exaggeration but seriously, he was not thinking with his head... and for the record, I do mean the lump three feet above his ass.

As I watched the events unfold before my eyes, I have to admit it was kinda cool, but like the cool kids on the back of the school bus, I stood toward the rear of the group and tried not to look too interested in case there was a chorus of Kumbaya to be had and I needed to bail!. Truth? I hadn't paid attention to what a Riff Off was when She-Who-Must-Be-Obeyed spoke but seeing as no one turned up with any weapons, as I had first feared, I figured it was worth a look at the abandoned pool that Barden folklore stated was haunted. For the record, it's not, it's actually just a bunch of jocks messing about trying to catch the horny toads who don't want to caught making out in their dorm rooms or some stupid shit like that. I listened as some of the other Bellas harmonized. They sounded good… better than good actually. We were an amazingly talented group, so why wouldn't Aubrey let us branch out? Who gives two shits about 'The Sign'? Aubrey needed the sign to smack her right in the fucking forehead.

I watched in utter amazement as Cynthia Rose strutted to the center of the pool with more swag than all of the Trebles combined and began singing 'S&amp;M'... the girl has some serious chops. And oh wow! Stacie is right up in Donald's face. Sing it girl! The dude has drooled right down the front of his shirt but in his defence, she's got a cracking pair of boobs on her. They make mine look like ant bites.

Jesse! Seriously, this thing between us is supposed to be a secret. If Aubrey finds out, I'm as good as gone but there he is putting on his one man show and making eyes at me, wiggling that fine ass and singing to perfection. Trying not to give anything away, I roll my eyes and pretend that his gyrations aren't getting to me. But then, it happens. I blow him a kiss when what I really wanted to do was boink him right there in the pool, in front of God and everyone. Thank goodness Aubrey couldn't see me. That's when I got the idea to sing 'No Diggity'. I could effectively shut him up and quite possibly win the Riff Off for the Bellas, then maybe, just maybe, Aubrey would let me come up with a new set list.

After hearing Cynthia Rose sing 'S&amp;M' I thought for sure she would have had my back but no dice. Amy was the one that finally came to my rescue. I thought for sure, we won the Riff Off, but Justin and his Treble lovin' self said the word we needed to match was 'it' and we sang 'it's'. Whatever dude! We won fair and square; he just didn't want to admit that we were better than the Trebles. Perhaps Bumper who happens to look like a whack-a-mole from one of those traveling circuses had Justin on his payroll. I dunno.

As we walked away, still feeling good about ourselves, even though we were robbed of our victory, Aubrey said, '_Before everybody goes to bed tonight, I need you to make a list of everything you did wrong.'_ Hold the phone. Did I hear that right? Did the Nazi just assign us punish work? She can't be serious. Are we suddenly fucking 12 again? We are in college... right? Is she out of her flippin' mind?

I've never done punish work in my life, ok... maybe once when I was in Ms. Richmond's second grade class and I decked Charlie Adams for pulling my chair out from underneath me. He deserved it, even my dad said so but he still made complete the punish work. Ms. Richmond told me I had to write 'I will always keep my hands, feet and other objects to myself at all times'. After writing that out fifty times my hand hurt and I made sure Charlie knew it. While we were waiting in the carpool line the next day, I stuck my foot out and tripped him. He landed on his face and busted his nose. I'm just lucky that I was just as small back then so I hid behind David Cooper and no one knew it was me. Ha! Sucker!

I stormed off after we'd been handed our homework assignment. Aubrey wasn't going to dictate such bullshit and then expect me to comply. I caught up with Jesse as I walked across campus. Without saying a word, I kissed him, grabbed his hand and headed for my dorm room. He knew better than to question me and just tagged along obediently.

The minute we walked in my room, I closed the door and pinned Jesse to the wall, something I'd been wanting to do since he started singing at the Riff Off. I kissed him with everything I had and we were suddenly a jumble of arms and legs hurrying to remove our clothes. In our rush to do the deed, we christened Kimmy Jin's bed… shhh, don't tell. I think I broke her little bonsai tree as I found it in a bajillion pieces the next day and I was finding those little gold leaves for weeks but I hid it in the bottom of her closest and she never said anything about it so who gives a fuck.

* * *

**o~O~o**

A few days later, I decided it was time to share my mixes with Jesse. After dinner, we went back to my dorm room. We were supposed to be studying for Chemistry, when he asked about all of my music equipment. I decided it was time to let him in.

I told him about chord progressions and creating tracks that blend everything together. Pointing to the screen, I showed him the new baseline and matching downbeats. The entire time I was talking, he just sat there, doe eyed and listening intently. Taking off my headphones I realized that I was talking very loudly. Jesse just grinned and nodded. Could he be any friggin' cuter right now?

I handed him the headphones and told him that I was singing on the track. Putting the headphones on, he listened. His eyes lit up. I think he was impressed. In an effort to make me feel better, he yelled, "Babe, this is amazing! Now I'm the one yelling, right?"

As he handed the headphones back to me, he asked, "How did you know those songs would all mesh together like that?" Truth was, I really didn't know. I know the music I like. Music speaks to me and I listen. It all just sorta works out, you know?

Reaching into his backpack, Jesse pulled out a DVD. "I brought this over so we can continue your movication and because I want you to see the end of the movie. Then I can die a hero." He has this habit of making himself at home and surprisingly, because it's Jesse, I don't mind. He's actually quite a good house guest, I think his Mom drummed that shit into him. He tidies up when he leaves which is cool. When he wasn't looking, I stole one of his spare shirts out of his backpack. Damn thing was clean _and_ ironed. Go figure.

I told him that if I was going to watch the end of the movie, then I'd just as well watch the entire thing but he insisted that we just watch the end. Ok, whatever, I'll watch it in it's entirety some other time. The faster we get to the end of the movie, the faster we can do other things.

He immediately went into a commentary aka useless facts mode. He talked about the how "Don't You" launched Simple Minds in the U.S. and how it could have been a Billy Joel song but he turned it down. "What an idiot." He went on to say that the song perfectly summed up the movie because it was equally beautiful and sad.

Never at a loss for sarcasm, I asked, "So, tell me, what does Judd Nelson eat for breakfast?"

Without skipping a beat he said, "Well, like all misunderstood rebels, he feeds on hypocrisy and black coffee. Helps with his morning dumps." Dude's quick, I'll give him that! Yep, I was falling for him hook, line and sinker.

"You're an idiot."

"It's true, I'm full of fun facts."

"You should let other people tell you they're fun."

After a couple of minutes, Jesse looked at me and his jaw dropped. "Wait a minute. You don't like movies but you know who Judd Nelson is. How is that possible?"

Rolling my eyes and giggling, I picked up the DVD case and pointed. He leaned in and kissed the tip of my nose. "You're missing the ending."

We turned our attention back to his laptop and finished watching. It wasn't bad at all and it's probably a movie I'd actually enjoy watching start to finish. As the credits rolled, Jesse gave me 'the look' and I knew movie time was over.

Jesse put his laptop on my desk and had me pinned down on the bed in a matter of seconds. He has the most amazing mouth and his hands… oh God, his hands. Things were getting hot and heavy pretty quickly when in walks Kimmy Jin. Great timing, bitch.

She looked right through me and said, "The white girl is back."

I was up and off the bed before Jesse knew I was gone. "Look Jess, Mr. Miyagi and his pet ninjas are back!"

"Whoa white girl, what's your problem?"

"What's my problem?" I asked, sarcasm dripping from every orifice. "You've had a problem with me since day one… why?"

"I don't like you."

"Well, that's elementary." I responded. "For the record, I don't like you either but it would benefit us greatly if we were at least cordial and respectful to each other."

"I don't need another friend Beca."

"Good, because neither do I, but I would like and deserve some respect, starting with you keeping your minions on _YOUR _side of the fucking room. If you want to have your little Wii get togethers, fine, but don't expect to lounge around on my things."

Jesse was now standing behind me, his hand resting on the small of my back. "Babe, don't worry about her. We can go back to my room. Benji's with his parents this weekend."

"Yeah, let's go. Maybe the Asian girl will be gone when we get back." Kimmy Jin is infuriating. Where the hell does she get off throwing out insults like that? I've never been mean, nasty or rude to her. I've tried initiating conversation with her because quite frankly, sitting in silence and staring at each other gets boring. Having a roommate was supposed to be fun or at least that's what my dad told me when he refused to pay a little extra for a private dorm room. That was probably the Stepmonsters doing, she probably needed the money for her fillers and botox. She's got enough plastic in her face to throw her own Tupperware party.

While Kimmy Jin gave us her arctic stare, I packed my laptop and books and Jesse threw some clothes in a bag for me. I couldn't wait to get out of there. Kimmy Jin pushes all my buttons. Was it possible that she and the Nazi were long lost cousins? Oh, who the fuck cares?

When we were ready, Jesse took my hand and we walked out. As soon as we were in the hall and the door was closed, Jesse turned to face me. "Hey," he said stroking my cheek and kissing me softly, "don't let that weirdo get to you. You're better than that."

He was right. I am _so_ much better than that. How is it, Jesse could have such a calming effect on me? Without thinking, I reached up and pulled him down toward me. I couldn't resist, I had to kiss him. He had to know that I wanted him. This type of affection was typically saved for when we were safely behind closed doors and away from prying eyes but in that particular moment, I didn't give two shits or a fuck who saw us.

As we walked toward Jesse's dorm, we chatted about silly things. Jesse really was good about helping me forget the stupid shit life throws at me. What had I done to deserve such a great guy? A guy that I couldn't let anyone know about, for fear of being booted from the Bellas.

The minute the elevator doors closed, Jesse was on me. It was hot and the thought of being caught made it even hotter. The ride to the third floor wasn't anywhere near long enough. I wanted him in the elevator. Geez… how had he done this to me in such a short period of time?

* * *

**o~O~o**

**"_Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind,_**

**_And therefore is winged Cupid painted blind." _**

**_~ William Shakespeare~ _**

**_A Midsummer Night's Dream_**

**o~O~o**

* * *

On Sunday evening when I got back to my dorm, Kimmy Jim was gone and so was a lot of her stuff. I did note that there were no Asian size ass prints in my blankets so maybe she did pay attention to what I said. I wasn't sure if she'd moved out or just decided to spend the weekend away but I was thankful that her cold stare didn't greet me when I walked in. Bitch could freeze Hell with that stare. She's got nothing on Elsa. Ahh shit, do not tell anyone that I watched Frozen. Just 'Let It Go'… you heard nothing… Got it?! Oh who am I kidding?! You'll run off and blabber in an attempt to ruin my badass image but I'll deny everything with a straight face. I've got a metal ear spike and I'm not afraid to use it as a weapon should I have to.

I loved spending the weekend with Jesse but I was glad to be back in my own dorm room. All those crazy Star Wars figurines staring at me was unnerving. Between Jesse being draped over me like a second skin and all those eyes staring at me, I had a hard time falling asleep and staying asleep. Of course, we didn't spend a lot of time sleeping, in fact, we hardly left Jesse's room but that's _so_ not the point.

Monday started a new week and with that new week came Bella rehearsals and our first competition. Aubrey was in true Nazi mode and was not to be fucked with. While we were rehearsing, Chloe's nodes decided to act up and she couldn't hit the high notes which prompted Aubrey to fuss at her. Aubrey needed a chill pill or a good fuck. Maybe if we all pooled our money we could buy her one, cos I don't think anyone has tapped that iceberg yet.

Amy was huffing and puffing when she admitted that cardio might actually benefit her. Oh how Aubrey loved that titbit of information if the smug look on her face was anything to go by.

"What Aubrey?" She wheezed as she bent over in half. "Who has time to do cardio? I'm currently training to be able to blow dry _AND_ straighten my own hair without having to take a break for a snack half way through."

It was a struggle to hold in my glee at the look of bewilderment on Her Majesty's face as she looked to Chloe, before shaking her head a couple of times and speaking.

"Ok ladies, that was much better but we have a long way to go before Regionals. Chloe, you have be able to hit that last note."

"I can't. It's impossible… because of my nodes." Chloe said, looking downcast and I felt a bit sorry for her actually. It seemed like the Army General didn't give a shit about her supposedly best friend even if she did pat her on the shoulder as she breezed past her.

"Well, if you can't then someone else needs to take your solo."

Lilly was standing next to me and whispered, "I think you should take Chloe's solo."

"Thanks Lilly, but the aca-Nazi won't ever let that happen." I hissed back.

Lilly turned and gave Aubrey a weird look and started mumbling a strange chant of sorts whilst fiddling with some random totem wrapped around her wrist. I moved away and went and stood behind Amy. She's bigger than me and if shit was about to start flying around the room, I wasn't about to take the brunt.

"I think Beca should take my solo." Chloe chimed in.

"Hell yeah!" Amy yelled. "Beca could nail that shit and those Trebles. Although I don't want her to be singing 1D when she does. Anyone else think it's funny that there's a band called One Direction? 'Cuz that's also the name I give my arsehole."

Did I just hear that right? Did the crazy Aussie just say what I thought she said? Probably not as Frau Blonde is still talking and ignoring what Amy had said.

"No Amy, I don't think Beca _would _solo."

Why are they talking about me like I'm not here. I'm right fucking here. Oh wait, I'm behind the rainbow tee shirt wearing Aussie and I'm obviously kinda hard to miss in this bright blue hoodie and what the fuck is Lilly drinking now? The brown glass bottle she's drinking from looks like one of those old timey poison bottles. You know the ones with the skull and cross bones on it? She catches me looking at her and for a minute, I'm afraid but she winks and rolls her eyes in Aubrey's direction. Is she sending poisonous thoughts her way? Gotta love that girl. "Oh, I'll solo. On one condition."

"Really? And what's your condition?" Aubrey asked as she pursed her lips, tucking a stray curl behind her ear.

"We pick a new song. I get to do the arrangement and Stacie gets to do the choreography."

The girls started to look around, a glimmer of hope in their eyes, not knowing what Aubrey was going to do. I challenged her. No one ever had the guts to do that before.

"That's _not _how we do things here." Aubrey finally said.

"Aubrey, maybe Beca's right. Maybe we should try something new. You might get more excitement and enthusiasm from everyone if we performed current songs." Chloe said, gently.

"Aca-cuse me?" Aubrey squawked several octaves higher than was necessary in my opinion. "We're singing 'Turn The Beat Around' and that's the last I want to hear of this."

"That song is tired and old. We won't win with it." I tried to explain. "If we pulled samples from different genres -"

"Let me dumb this down so you'll understand. Our goal is to get to the finals and these songs will get us there. So excuse me if I don't want to take advice from some alt girl with her mad lib beats when she's never been in a competition. Have I made myself clear?"

"Crystal. I won't solo." I say out loud but internally I'm slamming the lid of the piano down on Aubrey's head. And getting Amy to jump on it too.

"Fine. Fat Amy?"

"Yes sir…" Amy snapped to attention and I wish she hadn't been _quite _so enthusiastic, I really didn't want to have to put her on my shit list.

"You'll solo."

"Solo yolo!" Amy grinned and I removed her from my Christmas Card list. Not that I had an actual list as I've never sent a Christmas card in my life but if I did, she'd now be off it.

Amy was so excited. We all congratulated her and rehearsal went on after Aubrey had gotten Amy to sign some weird disclaimer thing on a clipboard that she said she was going to laminate. God, she needed to get out more. I was definitely sending out a group text, minus Aubrey, to ask if everyone else was onboard with buying Aubrey a good lay. I'm sure there had to be some poor sap who wouldn't mind Aubrey emasculating him.

* * *

**o~O~o**

**Regionals**

**o~O~o**

Saturday morning, after a two hour rehearsal, we had to drive to Carolina University in Chapel Hill. This did not happen without incident. The bus we rented got a flat and we had to wait for a tow truck and another bus. After unloading all our stuff from the bus with the flat to the new bus, we had no time for dilly dallying. Amy got us there just in the nick of time because she's quite fierce on the roads and has no issue taking a corner on two wheels. She made Aubrey squeal in fear so Amy's back in my good graces again.

Fearful for her life and safety, Aubrey nearly chucked into the buses' stairwell until Stacie reminded her that there was an $80 fine for littering on the bus so she dry heaved into Lilly's paper hat that she had insisted on bringing with her and wouldn't even try to explain why. I think Lilly is fucking awesome. Plus she can finish a sudoku puzzle in under a minute. Who does that shit? And have you seen the way she can flip an ink pen around her fingers? I'm telling you; she probably learned her shit at Junior Ninja Camp or something... it's always the quiet ones you gotta watch. That's why you're safe around Fat Amy.

The Sockapellas were just about to start performing and we were up next. Of course, Aubrey couldn't resist the urge to make fun of the group with the sock puppets on their hands. While I admit, it _is_ a little weird, they're different and I bet they didn't sing the same set every competition. They do remind me slightly of some weird cat toy I saw some chick play with on the David Letterman show.

Once again, we fucked up Aubrey's little "all hands in" bullshit nonsense. We might actually have a chance of getting it right if she did less barking and more talking. I will not admit to anyone else that I don't do it right on purpose because that's how the fuck I roll, bitches!

I was super excited for Amy. Today was the day she got to perform her solo and I had a feeling she wasn't going to perform it like she had in rehearsal. Amy's a daredevil, she pushes the envelope and she doesn't give a shit about Aubrey or her rules. This is the chick that eats an entire pizza while the rest of us do cardio. Of course, running in a circle up and down the bleachers isn't the only cardio I get in. Jesse definitely puts me through the paces. Aubrey said to do cardio, she didn't say what _kind _of cardio, though she did say I couldn't get Trebleboned but what she doesn't know won't hurt her. And she really didn't need to know that I wear Jesse's Treblemakers t-shirt to bed either.

We walked on stage and I looked out into the crowd. I was searching for Jesse, if I could just get a quick glance at him perhaps I could swallow my nerves and get through this boring ass set. Found him! He gave me a quick wink and I felt the butterflies fluttering around in my tummy.

Aubrey blew the pitch pipe and part of me wanted her to choke on it so we could sing something else. This set is the most sleepy thing I've ever had to endure and it wasn't bad enough that we were dressed like 1970's flight attendants but our choreography could land planes as well. I swear, if I make it through this year in one piece my dad is going to do more than pay for my move to Los Angeles, I'm going to make him buy me a new car as well. After all, he wouldn't want me getting stranded on the streets of LA in my little worn out Prius. That thing has seen better days, but it still got me from point A to point B so I guess I shouldn't complain.

Holy Shit! What in the world is Stacie doing? She's fondling her boobs and pulling choreography out of her ass. This chick is going to make Aubrey blow her load. Don't watch her Beca... just mind your own damn business and get this shit over with.

Yes! Time for Amy's solo! Oh Man! Amy is blowing it out of the park. Sista's got pipes!

Oh. My. Word.

No. She. Didn't!

Oh. Yes. She. Did.

She told me what she was going to do and I warned her not to but she did it anyway. Amy just stripped her jacket off and threw it. This is great! Then I looked over at Aubrey... who looks like a human coat rack. Amy landed her jacket right on Aubrey's head. What a shot?! This is not going to go over well. Oh shit! Now she just ripped her shirt open. Holy fuck balls. This is fucking awesome. I love Amy! And praise Jesus the girl wore a cami under her uniform. When she told me her what her plan was, she said she would only be sporting pasties with tassels.

We made our way off stage and right past the Trebles. Jesse just couldn't wait to mock us but he did it as sweetly as he could. He made that heart with his hands better than I did. Problem was Aubrey was right behind me and I'm positive she saw his shenanigans. Which reminds me, I need to send that text to the girls about buying Aubrey a lay. Her birthday is coming up so a good screw would be the best present we could ever get her.

Oh my! The Trebles are on stage and all I want to do is grab Jesse by his hoodie, march him out to the Treble bus and give him a reason to sing. I'm weak in the damn knees and he hasn't even sung a note yet.

Why does he have to be SO fucking hot? Oh God! He's just started singing and I need to sit. My panties are wet and my knees are going to buckle. Maybe sitting isn't such a good idea... don't want to be in a puddle. Shit, I'm going to be in a puddle either way. Whether sitting in it or standing in it, it's a puddle just the same. He can put his boots under my bed any day! Oh wait… he already does!

Oh my goodness! He's singing right to me! I'm a puddle of goo. My panties just caught fire. I'm a goner and so is he when we get back to school. Lord, can I wait that long? Wonder if anyone will notice if we both sneak off? Maybe if I offer to pay for Amy's pizza for the next month she'll create a distraction. The girl can put away some pizza so I'll have to hit my dad up for some extra cash but it'll all be worth it in the end.

My phone vibrated in my pocket. Shit! If Aubrey found out I had my phone on me I'd get beamed to death with the lasers she shoots out of her eyes. It's really creepy. I checked my phone really quickly while Aubrey collected our score sheets from the judges.

_"Watched the competition on TV. You looked great but man, the performance really lacked enthusiasm. I think you need to kick that Aubrey chick in the ass. Show her what real music could do for y'alls performances. Show her how it's done Bec. I'm proud of you. Let me know when you get back to campus. I love you!"_

"_Thanks Dad. Love you too!" _Wow! Maybe my dad had been listening when I told him I wanted to produce music and maybe there was truly hope for LA after all. I smiled as I put my phone back in my pocket and I have to admit, I'm quite impressed that my dad knows how to text.

So... we didn't win, the Trebles did but lesbihonest, we knew that going in. The fact that we somehow got second place is a miracle in and of itself. As we left the auditorium and entered the lobby, we became witness to the Trebles and the Tonehangers in a war of words. With that much testosterone in the room things were bound to get out of hand soon. These boys are ridiculous. Bumper has a big fucking mouth and it's writing checks his ass can't cash.

"If I get in the middle of that mess there's going to be dork parts caught in the storm drains of Chapel Hill for months." Amy announced.

Bumper just won't back down. His head is so far up his own ass that he's wearing his asshole for a fucking necklace. What in the world goes through Amy's head as she's tapping that? NO! Nevermind, I don't want to know that. There was one time they ended up in the ER after they'd... actually, well, that's a whole other story. Oh, and tell no one that those two are boinking, I don't want to be responsible for Bumper thrusting his uglies on some other poor soul as Amy seems quite content with him and would be quite upset if Aubrey made them break up.

"Look, you stay here… I'll go check on them." I told Amy.

"But I've wrestled crocodiles and dingos simultaneously."

"Ok, I got it. Stay here, I'll be right back."

"Fuck that Beca. You're not going to have all the fun."

I should have known Amy wouldn't listen. I gave her the glare for all the good that did. I wasn't off the steps when I heard, "The kraken has been unleashed." she said as she followed me, almost knocking me flat on my ass to get to the action. "Feel the Fat Amy force!"

"Fuck! This isn't going to be pretty."

As I approached, Lester the Molester, I don't know his real name but he looks like a pedophile so Lester it is, was trying to get Jesse to hit him. I'll show that fucker what's what. "Hey!" I yelled and as he turned around I reared back and punched the everlovin' shit out of that mother fucker and regretted it immediately.

"Oh my God Beca!"

"Oh my God. Oh my God. That was the stupidest thing I've ever done. FUCK! That hurt!"

Amy grabbed the trophy from Jesse. He was freaked out and immediately at my side trying to look at my hand. I brushed him off to get to Amy but the heffer held the damn trophy over her head knowing I couldn't get to it.

"Feel the fat power!"

"Amy!" I screamed as I tried to jump up and get my hand on the trophy. "Sweet baby Jesus! The beast has been unleashed."

And as if that wasn't bad enough, Lester started yelling, "Fat Amy kick me in the balls! Kick me in the balls!"

Soo… Amy obliged. She kicked him right square in the junk. As he was trying to get up I was still fighting Amy for the trophy. She "needed a sharp weapon" and needed to "put it up his ass". Oh fuck no, no one needs to witness that! Hell to the no! Meanwhile, Lester is now on hands and knees screaming "Cherry on top!" The man really needed a CAT scan. I'm not sure there's anything between his ears. The only purpose his ears serve is to keep his skin from puddling around his ankles.

As Amy and I were fighting for the trophy, it broke. I had a small piece in my hand but the piece Amy had clamped in her fingers flew through directly into a floor to ceiling pane of glass. When it did, Amy took off running. And shit, that girl can move when she wants to! The only time I've seen her move like that was when there was a sale on at the cake shop on campus! Geez! But she did bring me a back an eclair and a muffin so I do love her to bits for that. Leave it to Amy to decide to vertical run at a time like this. Bitch left me standing there to take one for the team.

So there I was getting arrested for destruction of property. There were tons of witnesses that told the cop that it wasn't me but I was holding the evidence, so I got to wear a pair of shiny silver bracelets and take a ride downtown. I'm a badass... or so I want everyone to think, but I've never been arrested before and I damn sure don't want to become Big Bad Bertha's bitch tonight. I just wanted to go back to school, have sex and call it a night. It was not my night.

When I was released from my brief stint in the pen, Jesse was waiting, all smiles and dimples for me. "Hey Hillary Swank from Million Dollar Baby."

"You just have to say 'Million Dollar Baby', you don't have to reference a specific actress."

"Damn! Prison changed you." he said with a chuckle.

"Thanks for bailing me out."

"Well, I didn't."

Jesse motioned across the parking lot... and there stood my dad with an angry glare and a look on his face that smelled of disappointment. "You called my dad?!"

"Babe, they put you in handcuffs. It looked pretty serious -"

"That doesn't mean you call my dad." I growled. "And don't call me 'babe'."

"Why are you yelling at me? I'm the _only _one here."

"I didn't ask you to be."

Jesse's face was expressionless. "I was only trying to help."

"I don't want your help! You're not my boyfriend!" I regretted the words the minute they fell out of my mouth. Damn it! Why did I say that? I mean, I'm not into labels, so what was he to me?

Jesse slumped. "Got it."

"Dad, it's not a big deal -" I said, turning back to my father who was watching Jesse and I with a very strange expression on his face.

"Yeah, it is a big deal _Rebeca_. I get a call in the middle of the night telling me my only daughter got arrested for destruction of property. And to make matters worse, I had to call your mom!"

"You called Mom?!"

"Did you think I was going to keep this from her?"

"But you didn't have to call Mom!" I said, half whining because I so did not need her input right now. "It's all a misunderstanding. I was protecting my friends! Putting myself out there! 'Making memories'."

"Don't throw my words in my face young lady! If you think I'm paying for you to move to LA after you pulled a stunt like this? I'm not. Get in the car."

"Don't you want to listen to what I have to say about this?"

"Not tonight, just get in."

My dad really needed to remember that one of these days, I was going to be the one that chose the nursing home he got put in and if he wanted to go into a nice one he'd better check himself.

The car ride back to school was long and miserable. My dad wouldn't hear my side of the story. All he would say was that I had better be at dinner Sunday night and there was no if's and's but's or maybe's about it. The only bonus was that Sheila wasn't going to be there because she was playing Bunco. Maybe I could get him to listen to reason then.

When we got to school, my dad thanked Jesse for calling him then asked him that he make sure I got back to my dorm safely and encouraged him to follow me at a safe distance. I stormed off. The two most important men in my life were acting like idiots. In their defense, I _was _being quite the petulant bitch. In truth, I was angry with myself for yelling at Jesse. My mom was blowing up my phone so I finally just turned the damn thing off. My dad talked to her on the way back so she knew what was going on, nothing I could say would change the fact that she was going to tear me up one side and down the other.

When we got to my dorm I heard Jesse mumble, "I'm really sorry Beca. I had hoped tonight would have ended differently."

I turned and gave him one last look, "Yeah, so did I." and with that he started walking toward his dorm. "Night."

"Night." He said softly.

"_**The fire was out**_

_**But then the phone rang **_

_**And all of the heat came back again**_

_**As much as I try **_

_**Your hard to resist**_

_**And all it takes is just one kiss**_

_**And I'm finally in your hands **_

_**I'm under your spell **_

_**You sent me spinning"**_

* * *

A/N: The next chapter will be posted later today or tomorrow. Looking forward to your feedback. Thanks for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

**o~O~o**

**My dorm room...**

**2:37am**

**o~O~o**

Why did things always have to get so fucked up? Just a few hours ago I was a puddle of goo, looking for the closest exit so that I could jump Jesse's bones and now... well, it was all ruined. Once I was inside, I turned and watched Jesse walk away. I watched until I could no longer see him before pulling myself away from the door and going upstairs.

I walked slowly to my room. There was nothing in there that could possibly make me feel better. Kimmy Jin would be there waiting to stare at me until I was frozen solid. Why couldn't I have a normal roommate? You know... one with a heart that wasn't made of ice and stone.

I slipped my key in the door and walked in, surprised to see the Bellas huddled on my bed waiting for me. Poor girls got the icy stare down from Asian Elsa. There was a chorus of "Hey's" as I smirked and put my best badass face on.

"What up Shawshank?"

"Did you get yourself a bitch?"

"Did they spray you with a hose?" Amy asked. "Is your hair messed up because you and Jesse wrestled on the way home?" Cynthia Rose elbowed Amy for that one. So, I guess they _both _know now.

And sweet, strange Lilly gave me a knowing smile and whispered, "I did a turn at County."

"You guys waited up for me?" I asked the group.

"Of course we waited up for you. Had to make sure you were ok." Chloe chimed in as she scooted toward the edge of the bed.

"They've been here for hours. It's a real inconvenience _Beca_." Oh hello to you too Kimmy Jin. Now you understand how I feel, you miserable bitch.

Aubrey smiled, "Beca, I'm so glad you're here."

"Newsflash Aubrey... this is _my_ room." I said as I stared her down. "Where else would I be?"

Amy leaned over and sang "Bow chicka wow wow!" in Cynthia Rose's ear. The two were cracking up at my expense.

"I'm calling an emergency Bella meeting." Aubrey announced as she stood at attention near Kimmy Jin's desk. I was half tempted to warn her about catching Asian cooties but I figured they were so alike anyway, there must have been some transference somewhere along the lines before now!

"Noooooo." Amy whined and then catching the look on Aubrey's face, flashed her a decent set of pearlies and muttered 'yeeessss' instead. Damn, Aubrey is fierce when she wants to be.

"First up? Our score sheet revealed that The Sockapellas almost beat us. Fat Amy, you need to do exactly how we rehearsed it… exactly! No surprises."

"We should be taking risks. It's not enough to be good, we need to put ourselves out there… be different." Oh wow, did I just say that outloud? I'm going to burn in the special kind of Hell.

"Beca's right. The Trebles never sing the same song twice." Wait, someone agreed with me! Cheers Cynthia Rose! I shall never mock your pink hair again, wait... what?

"The audience loved the Trebles. They tolerate us. We could change the face of a cappella… pshhh… Oh my God, that sounded so queerballs. What is happening to me?" I walked across the room to my desk. "Umm, let me show you this arrangement I've been working on…"

"I didn't know you were into this stuff." Chloe said as she looked over my shoulder at what I was doing. As always she stood that litttttle bit too close for comfort but I was kinda getting used to her now. She's actually really sweet.

"That's the point, none of you know. I'd be happy to work on mixes for the group."

"Beca…" Aubrey's voice was soft, she sounded tired but firm.

"Yeah…"

"I have the pitch pipe and I say we focus on the set list as planned."

"But Aubrey, this stuff is pretty cool." Chloe said as she pointed to all my music equipment.

"Look... Beca has caused enough distractions for one night. _I _have the pitch pipe and what _I_ say goes. Got it?"

Every nodded. Not very happily, I might add.

"All I'm saying is that Beca has a point. Maybe we shou -"

Aubrey made the "zip it" gesture and Chloe cowered.

"Ok... rehearsal tomorrow. 8am… sharp!"

And that was it. Aubrey marched out the door followed by all of the Bellas. This was totally ridiculous. Why am I doing this? I'm beginning to think staying in college and biding my time would be better than this train wreck.

I slipped off the God-awful uniform and into one of Jesse's t-shirts. It still smelled like him. Why did I yell at him... why? I crawled into bed only to have my nasal passages invaded by more of Jesse's scent. The day before when he was here watching a movie, I took his LaCoste cologne and sprayed my pillows and sheets. Now, I was regretting that decision.

* * *

**_o~O~o_**

**_"I have to remind myself to breathe - almost to remind my heart to beat!"_**

**_~Emily Brontë - Wuthering Heights~_**

**_o~O~o_**

* * *

**o~O~o**

**Semi-Finals**

**2 Weeks Later**

**o~O~o**

I couldn't believe it. Luke was playing one of my mixes. I was so excited that I literally ran across campus in my Bella issued death traps… I mean heels. Those damn things are the fucking devil. I hate them but they didn't stop me from running today.

When I got to the station Luke was in the booth. I knocked on the glass to get his attention because 'freshman aren't allowed in the booth'. He looked up and grinned. I was screaming at the top of my lungs. "This is my track! You're playing my song right now! This is so awesome! You like it?" Luke grinned, totally changing his face. Who knew the Brit knew how to smile. Nice teeth dude! He's got pretty eyes. Good arms too. Decent ass. Damn! Luke is cute. I don't know if it's that I haven't had sex in two weeks or if he really is cute but hot damn!

"It's a sick beat." Luke says as he walks past me and over to one of the shelves.

"Yeah, I always thought her beats were pretty sick." Shit! I hadn't noticed Jesse upstairs. Things have chilled out some between the two of us since my arrest. In his defense, I shouldn't have yelled at him. But damn it! He has the money, his dad is a Pediatric Oncologist at Johns Hopkins for crying out loud! He could more than afford to float me the bail money and I would have paid him back... one day. Oh well, that's all water under the bridge at this point.

"Becky, listen… Spring Break, I want you to take the night shift, play your music. The DJ at The Garage does a killer version of this, but yours… it's better."

"Yeah, it is!"

"I'm going to listen to her tonight. I think you should come with."

"I have a thing." I said honestly, hitching my bag back up on my shoulder. It was full of the crap that Aubrey made us carry around. Luke looked me up and down a couple of time. Oh, was he checking me out? Actually, by the curl on his lip, maybe not!

"Flight attendant training?"

"Yeah, it's a three year program. I get to plaster on a fake smile while learning how to distribute pretzels and wave goodbye." Luke rolled his eyes and I laughed at how stupid it sounded. Hmm, I caught sight of Jesse's legs coming down the stairs. Oh shit, he's got my favourite chino's of his on. Concentrate on Luke. Concentrate on Luke. Where was I? Oh yes..."No, I'm a Barden Bella. Tonight's the semi-finals."

"Really? I did _not _have you pegged as an a capella girl."

"That's because you don't know _Becky_ like I do. And the Pawn takes down the King." Jesse muttered as he walked by, looking at me intently as he did. "See you tonight."

Where the fuck did he get off? He needed to take a chill pill... or get laid. Oohh, I just wanted to kiss him right then and there. Fuck! Now I need to get laid! It's been too damn long! Maybe with any luck and if I'm really sweet to him, we'll both get our wish. To the bus!

* * *

**o~O~o**

**One hour later...**

**Barden Bella Bus**

**o~O~o**

After a rigorous rehearsal, in full uniform, and a militant pep-talk, we all loaded into the bus for the hour long drive to Georgia State University. First stop... gas station to fuel up, or as Amy called it "Pump and Dump".

Amy went around to the gas pump and was about to perform her "Driver's Duties" when the Trebles drove by Bumper screamed "Sabotage!" and burritoed Amy. She began screaming "I've been shot! I've just been shot!" And for a second, when we all looked to the back of the bus, it did look like brain matter was splattered all over the back window. Is it wrong that all I could think of in that first three seconds was _'what a waste of a burrito!'_

Cynthia Rose was the first to get off the bus followed closely by me and Lilly. As Lilly and I rounded the back of the bus, we saw Cynthia Rose had Amy on the ground, leaning right on in there and trying to give Amy mouth to mouth. That girl was crazy! She was dying to get some muff.

"I'm sitting up! There's no need for that. No mouth to mouth." Amy said as we all tried to help her up. "Ah shit! Bumper threw a big ass burrito at me."

"It's ok Amy." I told her as I tried to brush her off but I really hate getting my hands dirty so I just kinda flicked off a piece of tortilla to look like I was helping.

"I'm gonna kill him and then I'm going to pick my teeth with his bones!"

"Come on Amy get up. We have to clean your shirt and we don't have much time." Cynthia Rose said, offering Amy a hand.

Amy seemed quite content on the ground, looking down at her uniform she said, "Tell no one what you've seen today." as she took a bite of the burrito that was all over her shirt. "Damn! This is delicious."

I glanced up to see Lilly putting the gas pump back and making a face that only her mother could love.

Pretty soon we were on our way... again. The bus was quiet or maybe I thought it was quiet because I had my earbuds in and my music cranked up. There was a definite burrito smell in the bus and seeing as Amy had changed I wasn't quite sure if the piece that she'd ate earlier had worked it's way through her system. If anyone called her up on her bodily functions, she'd only called out 'Driver's Perks' and switch off the air conditioning so it was better just to ride the smell out.

When I looked up I noticed that Amy still had something behind her ear. I scooted forward in my seat as gently as I could but the Aca-Nazi's head snapped round to stare at me for breaking the rules of riding the bus in silence and harmony or something equally as dumb.

"You've got yourself a little somethin' there." I whispered in her ear.

"Leave it. It fuels my hate fire."

I laughed. Amy was something else, one of a kind for sure. I sat back down and put my earbuds back in. We still had a ways to go and I damn sure didn't want to get caught having a conversation with these aca-bitches.

As one song ended on my iPod and the next began, I could hear Chloe singing Miley Cyrus's 'Party in the USA'. Before long, everyone else on the bus was singing as well. Really guys? Miley Cyrus? Ugh!

I push my earbuds tighter into my ears and turn the volume up. 'Bootylicious' is so much better than what they're singing. Can't go wrong with Queen Bey and Destiny's Child. I just really have to watch myself otherwise I'll be up and dancing in the aisle like I'm part of the video.

And there goes one of my earbuds and suddenly Stacie is in my face waving her perfectly manicured fingernails in an attempt to get me to sing with them. And ok... I'll admit, I joined in, I was more or less forced to. No, I didn't have a gun to my head but nine sets of eyes staring holes into my skull was just as painful. Yes, nine! Amy eye's were off the road and looking at me through the mirror over her head and it was either sing up like a bitch or watch as she blindly aimed the bus into a ditch. Their lives were in my hands. Oh the fucking pressure!

As we finished singing, the bus started puttering along. I was sitting directly behind Amy and could see the dash. We were on fumes... in the middle of no where.

"Whoa…"

"What the hell?" Aubrey asked rather forcefully.

"Umm... It's pretty cool actually. I think we're _just _running out of gas." Amy confessed.

"No that can't be, you just filled the tank."

"Yeah, I did... and yet, maybe I didn't because I got hit by flying Mexican food." Amy turned the steering wheel and pulled the bus to the side of the road. "And… we're out."

"Aca-cuse me?"

"Aca-believe it. Man, what are we gonna do?"

"Maybe could call -" Chloe started to say but was cut off by Aubrey.

"No! Don't even say it Chloe. How dare you?"

"Actually, that is a really good idea." Amy said digging in her purse for her cell phone. "I've got Bumper's number."

"Why do you have Bumper's number?" Aubrey looked absolutely horrified. But ha, my suspicions about her and the leader of the Trebles was true!

"Ahh... umm... ehhh... ooo…"

"Well?" Aubrey barked and I immediately envisioned her as a Rottweiler that hadn't been out on a walk for three days.

"Nope. Totally wasn't me." Amy said, groping her chest in search of her phone in her cleavage purse.

"What wasn't?" Aubrey pressed and I so wanted to laugh. Like Aubrey was going to give up before she got the answer she wanted.

"Just so we are clear." Amy said, unbuckling her seatbelt, tucking it neatly over her shoulder and standing up. I honestly thought the big confession was about to come. "Just so that we are all clear... I didn't get out of pajamas all day today, well until it was time to get dressed in this get up."

I heard Lilly snort behind me.

"But..." Amy continued. "I did walk to fridge at least eight times."

"Amy, I...?" Aubrey blinked a couple of times. "How does-"

"It was a good cardio tip Aubrey."

"Oh, thanks. Glad you listened."

"And you have really pretty hair." Amy said, as she looked down at me and winked. Amy had just become my new favourite person ever! She totally got around the Aca Nosey Parker and changed the subject. I needed to befriend the nut job.

Anyway, you guessed it. We called the Trebles. Surprisingly enough, Jesse thawed out a bit toward me. I guess it was the whole damsels in distress vibe we had going on. As I got on the bus, he scooted over, patted the seat next to him and asked me to sit. I wasn't going to but, what the hell did I have to lose. You only live once, right? And Amy was sitting next to Bumper so what was the harm?

I caught some of their conversation but almost wish I hadn't. In their defence, they were talking quietly but several weeks of me listening out for any potential death threats from Lilly had trained me to have hawk ears. I didn't want to have to keep watching my back around her. I swear that comb she carries round twenty four seven is a communication device to the CIA or some obscure planet on the outer rim of space.

"Bumpy, do you wanna give me an Australian kiss?" Amy muttered in Bumpers general direction.

"Um, sure..." He asked, casting an eye towards the Trebles to see if anyone was listening. They weren't as they were all singing to the girls about sucking their balls. "What is it though?"

"Oh, it's like a French kiss." Amy explained. "But, it's _down under_."

This girl totally owned that moment!

Jesse leaned over and whispered, "Are we cool?"

"Yeah, can we talk about it later though?" I asked motioning toward Aubrey who was currently in deep conversation with Chloe.

"Sure. Your dorm or mine?"

"Mine. Kimmy Jin is have an Asian Ninja sleepover or something equally stupid."

"Ok." His eyes reduced me to a puddle instantly. "You look beautiful by the way."

"Thanks." I was sure that I was 50 shades of red at that very moment but at the same time, I was so glad that Jesse and I were going to talk later. I handed Jesse an earbud and hit play on my iPod. Ahh... thank God nothing mushy came on. Coolio's Gangsta's Paradise was perfect.

* * *

**o~O~o**

**Later that evening...**

**Georgia State University**

**Performing Arts Center**

**o~O~o**

We were all standing backstage gaping at The Footnotes. They were good. Amazing actually. This kid has got a serious set of pipes. Benji came around and told us we had five minutes until our performance; Stacie and Amy were freaking the fuck out, but I had a plan.

"Where did he come from?"

"It's over. There's no way we can beat The Footnotes _and _The Trebles." Amy announced.

"Aca-huddle... now!" Aubrey hissed. I wish she'd shut the fuck up with her over the top aca shit. I hated it. Why? Because I started saying it in my everyday speech too. Damn it if I didn't look like I was 'joining in' when I did. "The top two teams go to the finals. So we just have to beat one of them. If we do it exactly how we rehearsed it, then we will get there. Ok? Hands in."

I swear Stacie is a natural blonde. As if tensions weren't high enough already, she asked, "On three or after three?"

Somewhere in Antarctica, a polar ice cap just melted after the look Aubrey gave her.

"Screw it. Let's just do it."

We walked out on stage and Aubrey blew the pitch pipe. I looked out into the audience. These people couldn't care less that we're performing. Half are falling asleep and the other half is texting or looking up the YouTube video of Aubrey and the Attack of Pukegate.

This is it Beca. It's now or never. You wore your big girl panties today, just do it. And without another thought, I started singing LaRoux's 'Bulletproof'. Most of the girls weren't even phased but the shock was quite evident on Aubrey's face.

As soon as we were off stage and out of earshot of the ICCA Coordinators, Aubrey let me have it with both barrels.

"What the hell Beca? Were you trying to screw us up?"

"Are you serious?"

"Newsflash! This isn't the Beca show."

"Ok, I'm sorry I messed you up but in case you hadn't noticed, everyone pretty much dozed off during our set."

"It's not your job to decide what we do and when we do it. Why don't you ask the rest of the group how they felt about your little improvisation?"

When I looked at the rest of the girls, they were shuffling around nervously. Looking at their feet, around the room, at each other… anywhere but me. I settled on the one person who didn't mess around when it came to telling the truth. "Amy?"

"It was cool... but it did take us a little by surprise-"

"A lot by surprise!" Aubrey turned to Chloe. "I told you she wasn't a Bella."

"Aubrey don't -"

"No, that's ok. You don't have to pretend that you're allowed a say in the group, right?"

"Your attitude sucks, you're a Grade-A pain in my ass and I know you're hooking up with Jesse!"

"Whoa, whoa Aubrey... we're not hooking up. I swear." As soon as I heard his voice I turned around. I looked him right in the eyes as he denied what we had going. I was crushed. How could he do this to me right now? It was the perfect time for him to 'fess up' and show Aubrey how ridiculous she was being over the stupid oath. I was pretty sure half the Bellas were shacked up with Trebles anyway. Jesse continued to look me in the eye, denying that we had a good thing. I saw red. Burning, flaming red; forming like a mist in front of my eyes. I wanted away from him.

"Jesus Christ! That's perfect. Of course you're here right now. I don't need _your _help ok? Can you back off?" And there it was… my pain, anger and frustration over the situation written all over his face. He looked at me with eyes that held as much pain as mine own. I was pretty sure he'd never speak to me again. Had I read his intentions wrong? Had he really just been trying to save me from the wrath of Aubrey? Fuck it, I was so far past caring at this point.

"Trebles… it's time to bring the pain." Benji announced and I felt a pain in my chest like never before. I had to shift my tiny ass outta there before I started crying.

"If this is what I get for trying…" I couldn't even finish what I was going to say. I took off my Bella scarf and handed it Chloe and said, "... I'm done." She tried to grab my arm but I pulled away pretty quick and I turned my back on all of them, just as they had done to me minutes before and I walked away.

"_**You pull me in close **_

_**You throw me away **_

_**I keep coming back like a boomerang **_

_**You tell me to go**_

_**You beg me to stay **_

_**I keep coming back like a boomerang**_

_**Around around around back again **_

_**Around around around back again" **_

Benji started calling after me but I couldn't face him. He was too sweet to be tangled up in the hellacious mess. He didn't deserve it anymore than me and Jesse. I stormed out of the auditorium, kicking off my heels as I ran across the parking lot and onto the Treble bus. Thank goodness they never lock it, now that I think about it, that's probably why it smells of sex, weed and booze. The bus could give Willie Nelson's bus a run for it's money.

I called my dad to let him know what happened. He told me to catch a cab back to school and that he'd pay the fare. I flagged down a cab and cried the entire ride back to school. My life was suddenly this cesspool and I couldn't seem to get out.

When I got back to school, I remembered Luke's invite from earlier in the day. I sent him a quick text to see if the invitation was still good. I didn't want to just show up after I'd already told him I had plans.

* * *

**o~O~o**

**One hour later...**

**The Garage**

**o~O~o**

After cleaning up, changing clothes and removing that awful librarian bun from my head, I was ready for a night out on the town. I stared at myself in the mirror. Was this the best thing to do given the circumstances? Ah... fuck it. I've already told Luke I'd meet him there. My hair and makeup look good and my outfit is killer. Let's do this!

Luke was standing with the bouncer when I got there. It was a 21 and up club but because Luke was friends with the owner I was able to get in without a problem.

"Hey! Is everything ok?"

"Yeah, I'm just done with those girls."

Luke reassured the bouncer that I was in fact 'with him' and we walked in. The club was jumpin, the music was thumpin' and the drinks were cold. Yep, this is exactly what I needed.

"Music is music… the a capella stuff is just lame and upsetting." Luke told me as we made our way through the crowd.

"When it's done right… it's actually pretty awesome."

"Umm… awesome is what you're doing."

"Thanks." I said hoping Luke couldn't see me blushing.

"Listen… Spring Break, in the booth, I want you to do the night shift. I was serious earlier. I want you to play your music. Do whatever you want, well… no more than one of your mixes per hour, but otherwise the booth is all yours. Have fun with it Becky."

So I guess the 'freshman aren't allowed in the booth' bull crap he shoveled at me on the first day was just that. Besides, I _have_ been in the booth but what he doesn't know won't hurt him. I was really excited about being able to work during Spring Break, especially since Luke said I could play my music. He limited me to one mix per hour but he was going to be inebriated on a beach in Destin, he wouldn't know if I played more than one mix an hour. And even if he did find out, what could he do? What's done is done and there's no going back; sorta like my fight with Jesse.

"It's Beca."

"What?"

"My name's not Becky, it's Beca."

"Well, that's weird. Why didn't you say anything?"

"I... I don't know." There was this awkward silence between us, so I figured I'd fill it with a question I thought deserved an answer. "Why did you start playing my music?"

"Well, I finally listened to it because Jesse kept bugging me and… I thought it was solid. Jesse's a relentless kid."

Damn it! Jesse 'helped' me again. He's there… every where I go, everything I do… he right the fuck there; ready, willing and able to help. Beca, just get through this night. You can do it.

After taking a few minutes to wallow in self-pity, I decided to 'join in' and have some fun. The Garage wasn't bad at all. It was fun and so I'm glad I took Luke up on his offer to go out. The music was amazing and hanging out with Luke was more fun than I expected, especially since he's always so stiff and stuffy at the station, must be an English thing. Actually, he might make a good 'shag' buddy for Aubrey; wonder if he takes cash or credit cards? And yeah, apparently British people shag. I thought it was dance from the 70's but it's an actual thing they do. They're all weird. Anyway, we had some drinks and both of us loosened up around each other. We danced and chatted some. He even said he'd talk to the owner to see about getting me some gigs.

When it was time to go, Luke offered me a ride back to my dorm so I wouldn't have to walk. I gladly accepted. It had been a long day and I wasn't looking forward to walking alone, especially since I forgot my Barden issued rape whistle in my other purse and I highly doubt my eyeliner and lip gloss would scare an attacker. And don't even think it... I know if I wasn't wearing any, it could shock the shit out of people too.

Once we were in the car, Luke said something about him being a berk. Is that even a word? Apparently he left his iPad, phone charger and his anorak, again... what the fuck?, at the radio station. He wanted to take it with him on Spring Break, so we needed to make a quick pit stop. As he went into the booth to get his iPad and whatever else it was he needed, I excused myself to the restroom. As soon as I walked out, he was on me and while part of me wanted to let him have his way because I was feeling a little antsy after my fight with Jesse, the other part of me just kept thinking about Jesse and how he should be the one kissing my neck. I needed to stop this.

"Luke stop!" I begged. "Please get off!"

"Becky, you know you want this. " He said as he pushed me down on the 'no sex desk' and continued kissing my neck.

"No, I don't! Get off!" I said shoving him and trying to pull my shirt down at the same time.

"Cor blimey! You're a fucking cock tease!"

"I didn't ask for _this_... _you_ assumed."

"When we left The Garage I assumed I was getting laid. Bollocks to this!"

"Did you really think I would cheat on Jesse with the likes of you?" I spat.

"I didn't really know that you and Jesse were a thing, mate. Crikey, I mean, I only had my suspicions and then thought is was a load of codswallop." He explained and I so wanted to roll my eyes at him. Stupid Brit Boy and his assumptions.

"What do you mean you didn't know? This is one of the only places we didn't have to hide our feelings."

"What does that bellend have that I don't, huh? I'm the dogs bollocks compared to him." he asked lifting his shirt so I could see his chiseled abs. "He's just the chief cook and bottle washer. So, tell me what the jammy git has instead of me?"

"Me!"

"Well, I tried to have _you_ and you shut me down!" Luke ran his hand over his face. "Is it this place? You don't want to shag in my radio station? You expect a fancy hotel with all the trimmings to get laid in? You dumb women are all the same, getting a man all sixes and sevens."

As I made sure my clothes were straight I picked up my purse and headed for the door. "Fuck you Luke!"

"If you walk out of that door, you're fi-"

"Oh no! Nuh uh fucker... doesn't work like that." I said with a wink and gave him the ol' one finger salute. "Here's my resignation!" Luke looked genuinely shocked by my outburst and subsequent salute. "Oh and by the way, Jesse and I have had sex against the wall, on the stairs, the couch, oh and the rug in front of the couch, man was that fun. It's fluffy and comfy... you may want to get that dry cleaned by the way, I think we may have dribbled."

Tapping my chin and looking around, I said, "Where was I, oh yeah... the desk, up against the file cabinet... hmm, where else? Oh yeah, there was the rolly chair by my desk, the bathroom vanity, oh and there was that time in the back seat of your car when you were off in the zone on Trance Night, the hood proved to be fun too and then there was the sound board in the booth... did that with the blinds open... it was a lot of fun! On your chair, up against the door of the booth-"

"You shagged on my old banger? Mate, that's manky."

"Um, what?"

"Banger... my car? Are you quite barmy?"

"Oh yes, great leverage for Jesse. He-"

"That's enough! I didn't want to get into an argy bargy with you. Get out!" he bellowed at me and pointed towards the door.

Then something else _came_ to me, no pun intended and I started giggling so hard I doubled over.

"What's so funny?"

"Just one more thing you should probably know. Those 'stains' on the counter by the coffee machine, the ones you spent half an hour scrubbing with Ajax... yeah dude, that _wasn't _mayonnaise."

"I said enough Becky! This whole thing has gone pear shaped."

"My name is Beca not Becky. Maybe if you had remembered my name you would have scored. Oh well... your loss!"

"How do you figure? I thought you'd be after some rumpy pumpy."

"Usually guys who are bulky up here..." I said gesturing to his chest and arms. "Are the ones that aren't so bulky down _there_... if you know what I'm saying."

"That's a low blow _Beca_! What a load of cack."

"Give the boy a medal... he finally got my name right!"

"Are you quite through insulting me?"

I grinned. "Yeah, I think I am. Hope you and your right hand have a great time later."

"I'm left handed you plonker!"

"Well, wouldn't want the right to get jealous!" I yelled over my shoulder as I walked out the door. I love getting the last word.

As I was walking to my dorm, I texted Jesse to let him know what happened. I warned him to bring an umbrella to the shit storm he was going to be walking into at the station when he returned from Spring Break. Well, that's if Luke hasn't already called or texted him to tell him he's fired. To my surprise, Jesse didn't text back. He's always quick to respond but not tonight.

"Wow Beca... you really fucked up this time." I said to myself. I really had fucked up the one good thing that had ever come into my life. It had only been a few hours but I was already feeling Jesse's absence and it hurt like hell.

When I walked into my dorm room, the reality of being alone really hit me. Kimmy Jin left earlier in the day. She and her band of ninjas were headed to Myrtle Beach. As I looked around my room, there were little hints of Jesse everywhere. From the pictures on my shelf, to his DVD's on the desk and one of his t-shirts thrown haphazardly over my desk chair. No matter what I did, I thought of Jesse. I tried desperately to create a new mix but the songs were all of Jesse's favorites. I tried reading... it only made my mind wander more and anyone who knows me well, knows that my mind should not be allowed out without a chaperone.

I finally decided to work on my Chemistry assignment, but fuck if that didn't make me think of Jesse too. I was miserable. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, I couldn't do anything without thinking of Jesse. I tried sending another text but it was ignored as well. I called and the bastard had the nerve to bitch button me. I know I said some pretty harsh things but it was all said in anger. I want to apologize but I can't if he won't let me. Maybe I should give him a few days and try again.

Sometime after 4am I must have finally drifted off but even my dreams were full of thoughts of Jesse. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't get away from him, it was like he was under my skin. An itch that just wouldn't go away. I was starting to doze back off when my phone vibrated on the bed next to me. I thought it might have been Jesse, so I sat up excitedly so I could get a good look at the text. Fuck! It's Luke. Begging me to work the night shift even though I quit because he can't find anyone else on such short notice. I should tell him no but really, what else is there for me to do? I'm going to go crazy in this room for a week. Getting out will help distract me.

Luke texted back a '_thanks mate... cheerio'_ within seconds. Dude clearly forgives, forgets and moves on pretty quick. Must be an English thing. Perhaps they all get training from the Queen? Ah well, who gives a fuck? Wonder why he was so desperate to get away for Spring Break?

* * *

**o~O~o**

**"_I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. _**

**_I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. _**

**_But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." _**

**~ _Marilyn Monroe ~_**

* * *

**o~O~o**

**Spring Break**

**o~O~o**

Spring Break was finally here and it was absolutely, positively awful; the worst ever. There were very few people on campus and there was absolutely nothing to do. I spent my time sleeping… when I could; mixing music… when the mood struck; eating… because I had to not and because I was hungry; avoiding my dad… because he pissed me off; working… because I promised to and wearing Jesse's treble t-shirt while watching his sappy movies because... oh fuck it, really? You need me to be explains that after all this?

I tried calling/texting Jesse. I left a bunch of messages but he never responded; which meant he was beyond angry and hurt, he was pissed and all because I can't keep my flannel mouth shut. I always have to have the last word. Always! See! Oh fuck it.

I haven't heard from _any _of the Bella's since I walked out after our semi's performance, not that I thought I would but it would've been nice. I really miss Amy and Stacey and even my favorite redhead; funny how that Ginger weaseled her way into my life. Unfortunately, they're probably under very strict orders from the Nazi to steer clear of me. I'm sure she'll seize their phones and check their call/text history to see if they've contacted me. She's such a bitch!

None of this would have happened if she would have agreed to let me help. I could have come up with a killer set list that would have thrilled the audience and catapulted us into first place. Instead, I had to improvise and well, we all know where that got me.

Why hadn't any one of those bitches had my back? I would have stood up and taken the lashes from Aubrey before I let any one of those girls down. I guess I see friendship and loyalty differently than they do.

Despite every eye roll I send out in the world and every razor sharp quip that leaves my lips before I think about it, I do actually care what people think. I love unconditionally and fiercely and will have anyone's back if they need it. Except Linzy Foster from High School. That bitch was a skank after making up shit about me. Probably wouldn't piss on her if she was on fire. But anyway, the Bellas wouldn't even look at me. They looked everywhere but _at_ me.

The only one with balls enough to look at me was the one whose daggers shot straight out of her eyes and into my skull. Seeing Aubrey's eyes bulge out of her eye sockets was like watching an episode of The Road Runner. You know how the road runner's eyes pop out when he sees the coyote… yep, it was just like that, complete with horns, whistles and bells in the background. Scary as fuck! I mean, she's a pretty girl but when she twists her face, she looks like she's either chewing a wasp or she's got a piece of shit under her nose and it smells bad.

None of that matters now. I've handed in my scarf and that's that. I really didn't think about the ramifications of my actions, I just did it. Now, I have to stay at Barden for three more years; three more lonely, boring, dreadful years. Wonder if my dad would consider a transfer to UCLA? I could work as an intern at a radio and go to college. It would be worth a shot asking him. The worst thing he could say was no and make me stay at Barden… but could he really make me stay against my will? I'm 19 years old and I can do what I damn well please and he couldn't really do anything about it.

I'll worry about that tomorrow. Shit! Did I really just say that? Now I sound like Scarlett Fucking O'Hara. Why did Jesse make me watch that stupid movie? All four fucking hours… four hours of my life I'll never get back yet somehow, I enjoyed it and learned that I'm _exactly _like Scarlett. Too damn independent for my own damn good, but determined to get my way in the end with a side order of sass along the way. I hope Jesse and I don't end up like Scarlett and Rhett… that would be tragic.

Sweet baby Jesus! I need to get out more. The walls are closing in on me and referring to myself as a fictional Southern Belle and Jesse as a swoon worthy, yet debonair Southern gentleman. Suddenly, I feel like my life has turned in the Lifetime movie of the week.

Maybe I should get dressed and go sit on the grass in the quad. Get some sun. Do I have sunscreen? I need SPF 200 to sit out there. I'm so white that I'm nearly transparent. Oh fuck it… I need to get out of this fucking bed and look alive. Being in the sun and fresh air might help me figure out what I need to do about my Jesse situation. Even though he's apparently given up on me, I'm not quite ready to give up on him.

I got out of bed, fumbled for a pair of clean shorts and a cami, flip flops, my sunglasses, iPod, iPad, a huge bottle of water and of course, Jesse's girly beach towel. I threw everything into my backpack and headed out.

It was hotter than Hades outside but being out here was as close to heaven as I could possibly get at the moment. The quad is stunningly gorgeous this time of year. The azaleas and crepe myrtles are in full bloom and there's a hint of gardenia and jasmine in the air. My dad was right… ugh! Holy shit! Did I just admit that?

I found a cool, shady place to sit under one of the most amazing oaks trees. After laying out Jesse's towel, I read for awhile… and let me tell you, '50 Shades of Grey' is some eye opening shit. That Christian Grey dude is one sick mother fucker. Kinky fuckery doesn't even begin to touch what that fucker does. I think I should have had my parents sign some sort of permission slip saying that it was ok that I read this. Smut, smut, smutty smut… and even more smut! I'm not ashamed to admit that I've had to google the names of some of these sex toys he references. Wowza! This dude is serious about playtime! Where and how do I sign up for a playdate?

According to the book, Christian and Ana do go to work but I'm not sure how they could possibly have the energy when they literally have sex every waking minute they're home. That sick fucker wakes _up_ rock hard and wanting it because gettin' it seventeen times the night before wasn't nearly enough. This chick has been fucked hard and tied up more times than I can count. Now, I'm no prude, I've got nothing against a toy or two, a spanking or even being tied up because frankly, that does sound like it could be a lot of fun, but I'm not sure I could take the pounding that poor Anastasia's lady bits have taken. She is one lucky bitch.

Now, one of two things is eventually going to happen, either his dong is going to fall off or her box is going to rot out and fall into a bunch of broken pieces at her feet. He's already reached up there and yanked her tampon out so the author is bound to write about the box rot at some point. Her poor little cherry never stood a chance.

Crazy thing is, as messed up as this book is, I couldn't make myself stop reading it. It hooks you from the first page and just continues to suck you in. Okay, possibly a bad choice of words there but who gives a fuck? It probably wasn't the best thing for me to read given my current situation.

The fresh air did me a world of good and some point I drifted off. Thank goodness I set an alarm on my phone; otherwise I'd have slept through my shift at the station. I'd forgotten that the alarm tone was one that Jesse had downloaded for me. Damn R2D2. It's fucking loud and it scares the shit out of me every frickin' time, which is exactly _why _he downloaded it.

A freight train could pass through my room and I'd sleep through it. I've already slept through one of the monthly scheduled fire alarms that Baker Hall conducts. Fucking Kimmy Jin left me in the room and walked out. Stupid bitch. There have been many times that I've sat up 'til late working on my mixes and plan how to get her back and not get caught. Perhaps I need to speak to Lilly.

Jesse was pissed that Kimmy Jin had left me. He said he shot her a look that sent her inner ninja running for cover and melted the lasers she was shooting from her eyes. He probably didn't, he's quite a gem and it was really sweet of him to say it. As soon as students were allowed back in the building he ran upstairs looking for me. He found me with my earbuds in, music blaring and sound asleep with my Chemistry book and notes sprawled on the bed. One of these days I'll learn how Amy 'releases the Kraken' and do it to Kimmy Jin. Teach that bitch to fuck with me.

Ugh… it was time for me to go to the station. Just another place for me to think about Jesse. As the music played, I ran my hand over the 'no sex desk' and smiled. We had given this desk quite the show. I smiled and hugged myself. Come hell or high water and with 'God as my witness' I will get Jesse back or die trying. Annnddd there's Scarlett again! Get out of my damn head! Fucking hell man! She's a pesky fucking wench who always wants to be the center of attention!

* * *

**o~O~o**

Spring Break is finally over and Jesse is due back this afternoon. If I smile any bigger, my face is going to crack in half. I've truly missed the nerd and can't wait to go see him. I want to apologize appropriately and hope that he'll accept. I know things won't immediately go back to the way they were but if we work hard we'll get it back. We have to... right?

I was finally able to get some decent sleep. I don't know if it's because Jesse's coming back or if I was that exhausted but whatever the case I'm well rested and ready for what the day has in store.

Before rolling out of bed and officially starting the day, I decided to read the final few chapters of '50 Shades Darker'.

Ho-Ly Sheep-Shit Batman!

I want to find my own Christian Grey. Whip me, beat me, spank me harder... take me to all the places I never knew existed. I'll admit, Christian Grey is one twisted fucked up son of a bitch but he can twist me up and fuck me hard any damn day of the week and seven times on Sunday if he wants to.

Is it getting hot in here? I've died and gone straight to hell. Oh shit… my panties are on fire! I need to find the closest fire extinguisher and put myself out, but I slept through the fucking drill and I don't know where to find it. Mommy porn my sweet non-existent ass! This is hard core bringing down the house erotica, a step by step BDSM manual. Oh my God, I need to excuse myself to freshen up the downtown… immediately!

After a very looonnngggg, very cold shower I'm finally feeling like myself again, but I keep looking at my iPad… I really wanna read the third book. I don't have time right now though, Jesse's already back and I had hoped to be waiting outside his dorm room. I've even fixed my hair, my makeup is a little lighter and I'm wearing the shirt he likes. I want him to notice and I had hoped to be early so I could have caught him off guard a little.

The walk to Jesse's dorm seemed to take forever, in all honesty, it was less than five minutes. As I turned the corner and walked toward Jesse's dorm room, I noticed the door was cracked open and I could hear him singing. I loved to listen to him sing… and as an added bonus, he was playing his guitar. I didn't recognize the melody, so I stood quietly outside the door and listened as Jesse began to croon.

"_**All the leaves on the Giving Tree have fallen**_

_**No shade to crawl in underneath**_

_**I've got scars from a pocket knife**_

_**Where you carved, your heart, into me**_

_**If all you wanted was love**_

_**Why would you use me up**_

_**Cut me down, build a boat, and sail away**_

_**When all I wanted to be was your giving tree**_

_**Settle down, build a home, and make you happy?**_

_**I lie in the dead of night and I wonder**_

_**Whose covers you're between**_

_**And it's sad laying in his bed**_

_**You feel hollow, so you crawl home back to me"**_

With my back against the wall, I slowly slid down. I put my head in my hands and wept. He's given up. He doesn't want me. It's over. I've truly fucked this up. And why? Because I'm too fucking scared to let anyone in?

"_**If all you wanted was love**_

_**Why would you use me up**_

_**Cut me down, build a boat, and sail away**_

_**When all I wanted to be was your giving tree**_

_**Settle down, build a home, and make you happy?**_

_**Well, I see a trail that starts**_

_**A line of broken hearts behind you**_

_**That lead you back to me**_

_**The once sad and lonely fool**_

_**With nothing left but roots to show, oh**_

_**If all you wanted was love**_

_**Why would you use me up**_

_**Cut me down, build a boat, and sail away**_

_**When all I wanted to be was your giving tree**_

_**Settle down, build a home, and make you happy?**_

_**Settle down, build a home, and make you happy?"**_

By the time Jesse was finished playing I was a mess. I was a flood of emotions that I didn't know what to do with. I sniffled rather loudly and heard Jesse starting to shuffle around in his room so I took off. He wanted nothing to do with me, I'll be damned if I'm going to let him see me like this.

* * *

**o~O~o**

Where am I going? What am I doing? Dad! I need to see my Dad. As soon as I pulled into the driveway at my Dad's place, a large two story just off campus, I felt this strange sense of calm, coming here was definitely the right thing to do. I took a quick glance in the mirror and noted that there was no way in hell I was going to be able to hide the fact that I'd been crying. So, I took a deep breath and headed toward the porch.

"Dad!" I called out as I walked in the house, putting my purse, keys and jacket down.

"Hey Bec… I'm in the kitchen." As I walked in the kitchen my dad turned around and immediately knew something was wrong. "Baby, what's wrong?"

I couldn't answer. I walked straight over to him and collapsed in his arms. The floodgates were open wide and we were gonna need a boat to stay afloat.

"Beca, I need you to tell me what's wrong."

"He hates me, Daddy." I finally said as I wiped my nose on the back of my hand.

"Who? Who hates you?" he asked patting my back and not knowing what to do about my unusual display of affection towards him.

"Jesse." I hiccupped.

"Honey, I don't think that's the case. From what I've gathered in the short time I've known him, that boy is very fond of you."

Sniffling, I assure my dad that's not the case. "Dad, trust me… he definitely hates me. There's no going back. I can't take back what I said and did."

"Honey, he's probably feeling the exact same way about you. You've both said and done things you didn't mean -"

"He didn't do anything wrong. This is _all _me."

"Give him some space. He'll come around."

Maybe my dad was right. Maybe Jesse would come around, but I couldn't be totally sure. He's pretty angry and hurt. I've never seen him like this. I'm not sure i'm ready to face these uncharted waters.

"How are things going with the Bellas?" my dad asked as he poured hot water from the tea kettle into our mugs.

"I quit."

"You quit?"

"I really liked those girls but Aubrey is more than I can handle."

"I can't help but point out that you called them 'those girls'."

"Well, what did you want me to call them. They aren't exactly friends."

"Why not?"

"Dad, we don't hang out. We go to rehearsals, we go to competitions and then we all go our separate ways."

"So, instead of nurturing friendships, you thought quitting was the answer?"

"Yeah, I did."

"Beca, you made a commitment."

"Oh, are you really going to talk to me about the sanctity of commitment?"

"C'mon Bec… That's unfair."

"Dad, you made a commitment to Mom and you left. You left us. You left _me_."

He sighed. "I did. It wasn't my finest moment. I tried to call you. I even learned how to text, but you… you just shut me out."

"Yeah, I shut everyone out. Don't take it personally, it's just easier."

"But it's also really lonely." Taking a deep breath he continued. "Look, your mom and I… we didn't work out. That doesn't mean we love you any less. If anything it means we love you more. We didn't want you to see and hear the destruction, so we sheltered you and _I_ made a decision. But Beca, please, understand… it was the hardest decision I've ever had to make and it wasn't one that I made lightly. Leaving you was the saddest day of my life. I should have… I should have fought harder, made more of an effort." He reached over and grabbed my hand, "I'm trying to make up for it now, which is why I'm adamant about you not going off to LA. Beca, look at me please."

I reached up and wiped the tears from my cheek and when I was ready, I looked at my dad, ready to hear what it was he had to say.

"Beca, no matter how old you are, you'll always will be my little girl and I'll always want what's best for you. I knew from the moment you were first laid in my arms that you were special. You've always danced to the beat of your own drummer. Underneath that tough exterior to try to make everyone believe you possess, you're sweet, sassy and spunky and most of all you are amazingly talented; your love and passion for music will take you far in life. So, as hard as it is to say this, if you still want to go to LA, then I'll support you, all you have to do is say the words."

I got up and walked around to the bar stool my dad was sitting on and hugged him. Really hugged him for the first time in what felt like ages. "Dad, what do I do?"

"Oh baby, that's up to you. This is one of those curve balls that life throws at you. You have to make the decision, but speaking from personal experience, if you're going to leave someone or something you care about behind, make sure you do it the right way. No regrets."

I sighed. "Ok. I think I know what I have to do."

"Beca, I'm so proud of you. You know that right?"

"Proud? Of me?"

"Yes, proud of you… ya weirdo!" he said with a big smile and hugged me tighter.

My dad and I continued to talk for a while longer, he really isn't as bad as I made him to be. when it was time to leave, I gave him one last hug, a kiss on the cheek and set out to do what I needed to do. While I still wasn't sure if I was going to stay at Barden or cut my losses and head to Los Angeles, I needed to make everything right. And if I couldn't make it right, then I was going to die trying. I had to give this my all. I couldn't half ass it.

* * *

**o~O~o**

When I arrived back on campus my firsts stop was my dorm. I needed to clean up after my cry fest, there was no way I'm going to see Jesse with tarantula eyelashes and puffy eyes. As I washed my face for the first time I saw the person hidden under all the makeup. Then and there I vowed to go easier on the the eyeliner. When I was done, I stood back and looked at the new and improved Beca. It was true… I really didn't need all that black shit on my eyes.

As I walked to Jesse's dorm, I gave myself the pep talk of a lifetime. I needed to to be willing to listen and understand his feelings about what happened but I also needed to be open to change in order for our relationship to work.

Standing outside his door, I took a deep breath and was greeted by the smell of popcorn.

"Jess... I know you're in there. I can smell popcorn." I stood there waiting… wondering if her was going to come to the door. "C'mon Jess… open the door." The door flew open and there he was with his best pissed off glare. Maybe this wasn't going to go as well as I had hoped. "I've been trying to call you. I left you a bunch of messages."

"Yeah, I got them."

"I'm sorry we fought. I was mad, I overreacted and I took it out on you when you were just trying to be the amazing friend you've always been. Aubrey pushes my-"

"Seriously Bec? You think I'm fucking mad because you yelled at me?"

"No, I know-"

"No, you don't know and that's the fucking problem. You think you know but you don't. You push everyone who cares about you away. Why is that?"

I took a deep breath, "I don't know."

"Well, you better go figure it out, because I'm done with whatever the fuck this is." he said motioning between us.

I could hear rather than feel my heart break. "Jess-"

"I'm done." he tried to close the door but I stopped him.

"No, you don't get to make a unilateral decision here. I came to deliver a sincere and heartfelt apology and the least you could do is hear me out."

"Beca, I've heard enough now get out." he said taking my arm and walking me back to the hall. "I'm done. Now I'd appreciate if you'd leave." and with that he shut the door in my face. The pain in my chest was unbearable and for the second time in the same day I was sitting in a puddle of my own tears.

**o~O~o**

"_**You treated me like I'm your little toy**_

_**You tell me I'm not like other boys **_

_**And next thing I know you toss me aside **_

_**And you don't even bother with goodbye **_

_**But when you say hello **_

_**I can't ignore you**_

_**You sent me spinning **_

_**You pull me in close **_

_**You throw me away **_

_**I keep coming back like a boomerang **_

_**You tell me to go**_

_**You beg me to stay **_

_**I keep coming back like a boomerang**_

_**Around around around back again **_

_**Around around around back again **_

_**Boom boom boom now my heart is racing **_

_**Boom boom boom after you I'm chasing **_

_**Boom boom boom you got to catch me when I fall **_

_**You sent me spinning"**_

**o~O~o**

* * *

**o~O~o**

_"S**trumming my pain with his fingers,**_

_**Singing my life with his words,**_

_**Killing me softly with his song,**_

_**Killing me softly with his song,**_

_**Telling my whole life with his words,**_

_**Killing me softly with his song."**_

**o~O~o**

Two days after trying to mend fences with Jesse, I was sitting in my room, crying after watching The Breakfast Club... again and yet, I still couldn't believe he didn't notice that I had his DVD. I continued to sit there staring at the movie, it was almost over and so were Jesse and I. At some point I should probably walk over and return his DVD as well as the other things I have that belong to him but I just couldn't bring myself to do it today.

I was just about to roll over and take a nap when I heard a knock on the door. I don't want visitors but as I laid there I thought it might be my dad coming by to check on me. I hadn't left my room in two days and I'm sure he was worried.

As I opened the door, I was shocked and surprised to see that it was Benji.

"Hey Bec, can I come in?"

"Sure. What's up?"

"Can we talk?"

"Are you here to talk to me or tear what's left of me to shreds?"

"Beca, you know I wouldn't do that."

He was right; I knew he'd never do that. "I know… I'm sorry. The last few days have been really shitty. What did you want to talk about?"

"I'm not going to beat around the bush here... there's really no point."

Instantly, my hackles went up. "What are you getting at?"

"Beca, he's hurting."

"Newsflash Benj, so am I. Do you think I've been crying tears of joy? He threw me out of his room and shut the fucking door in my face when I was trying to apologize!"

"Ok, time out." he said making a 'T' with his hands. Damn, he had big hands. "Bec, can I be candid with you?"

"Yes, always." I told him wiping tears from my cheeks. I really hated that I was crying in front of him.

"You told him you didn't need his help, not once, but twice and very publicly both times. He loves you Beca. You're all he ever talks about. He wants to be wanted and needed by you and you rejected him. You're a ball buster if ever there was one."

"Benji, I needed someone to have my back and he denied we had thing."

"He was protecting you because he wasn't sure if you wanted everyone to know. He wanted you to be the one to make the decision to go public."

"But he could've come after me and he didn't."

"You had just yelled at him. Can you blame him for not going after you?"

"But..."

"Would you have listened if he had?" Benji asked and I had to admit that question struck home a little with me.

"I don't know."

"Beca, I'm telling you without a shadow of a doubt, he loves you. He's _in_ love with you. You got under his skin and he wears you proudly."

"Don't you think I want to shout from the rooftops that I'm in love with Jesse?" I asked flailing my arms around. Benji did look a little shocked; not sure whether it was from my statement or my exuberant hand twirls. "Well, I do but I can't and it's killing me."

"Why can't you?"

"The Bella oath."

"Jesse took an oath with the Trebles too but that never stopped him from being with you or _wanting_ to be with you."

"No, you don't understand. Aubrey made us take an oath that says we can't be trebleboned. If we are, our vocal chords will be ripped out by wolves."

Benji laughed. "Beca, do you hear yourself? That's ridiculous. Where in the blazes of hell do you think Aubrey is going to find a vocal chord eating wolf?"

"I don't know."

"Listen, the night of Semi's he was going to ask you to go home with him for Spring Break."

"He what?"

"He was so sure that you'd say yes that he had already bought the plane ticket."

"He did that for me?" I was genuinely shocked. People think because I'm a bit... ok, a lot snarky that I don't appreciate gestures and gifts but every present I have ever received has been adored.

"He sure did. First class too."

"How could he have been so sure I'd say yes?"

"Because he _thought_ he knew you."

"He does _know_ me. He _knows_ me better than anyone."

"Bec, all I know is he's better off with you around. And for the record, I can only hide in my magic box for so long, listening as he beats the tar out of himself for not letting you apologize. That box is dark and lonely but he needs his space so I give it to him."

"What do I do?"

"There's only one way for you to get through to him and you're holding the key right there." he said pointing to my laptop screen.

That was it. The Breakfast Club was the key, but how was I going to make it all work. "Thanks Benj. I owe you one!" I said as I kissed his cheek and pulled him into a big un-Beca like bear hug.

"I'm glad you said that because I have a huge favor to ask."

"Name it!"


	3. Chapter 3

**o~O~o**

**Chapter 3**

**o~O~o**

The next couple days went by at world record speed. I was helping Benji and between the two of us we were still trying to figure out how I could get to Jesse. Wednesday evening, Benji brought pizza over and we watched a movie. Just a couple of minutes after he left there was a knock on the door.

"Hey Benj… did you-" I started to say as I pulled the door open. I couldn't believe who was standing at my door. "Umm… hi Aubrey. What can I do for you?" She looked like she was going to puke. I couldn't decide if I should shut the door and pretend I never saw her or if I should pass her Kimmy Jin's laundry hamper. "Aubrey?"

"Move out of the damn way!" Stacey said pushing her way toward the door. "Beca, we need to talk to you. Can we come in?"

"Umm… yeah, sure but Pukey Pukegate needs to swallow that shit. If she spews in here I'll have to kill her."

"Deal. Come on Bellas!" Stacey said as everyone pushed past a stunned Aubrey.

Everyone filed in and sat around on the floor in my room. I looked around, quite uncomfortably, wondering what was going on. "Ok, you're all here. What's this about?"

"Aubrey?" Chloe said as she nudged her.

Aubrey looked down at her hands as they shook. "Beca…"

"Look Aubrey, I don't have all day. What's going on?"

Cynthia Rose got up from her spot on Kimmy Jin's bed and walked toward me. "Beca, we're going to the finals. The Footnotes were disqualified because the lead singer wasn't in college."

"Ok. Um, that's good. So, why are y'all here. I quit… remember?"

"Hey! Enough of the attitude you little runt." Stacie said as she gave me a noogie. "We need you."

"Yeah! We can't win without you Short Stack!" Amy chimed in.

"Guys, that's nice, but I quit. Aubrey has made it perfectly clear that she doesn't want me in the group. So… good luck!"

I sat back down in my desk chair and turned my back on them once again. I sat there mixing knowing full well that they were all still standing there staring at me. Suddenly I was being spun around and I was met eye to eye by the scary Asian; her big eyes and obsessively neat fringe. All of the Bellas were standing there giving Aubrey the stank eye. What was I missing? "Lizards are awesome." she whispered before she licked the underside of my nose.

*Gulp* I blinked my eyes and made a mental note to self… "check under the bed before going to sleep."

"Aubrey!" Chloe warned.

Aubrey took a few deep, cleansing breaths and finally said, "Beca, we'd like you to come back to the group."

I looked away from Aubrey and into the faces of all the other girls. "This is really sweet, but making Aubrey take me back isn't going to make things better. If she doesn't want me around-"

"Beca…" Aubrey said to get my attention. "I know I've been hard on you, I've been hard on everyone here, but I am my father's daughter, and he always said, 'if at first you don't succeed… pack-'."

"Stuff that shit Aubrey. No one want to hear it." Amy interrupted.

"Yeah, get on with the reason we're here." Chloe told her.

"Beca, I have something for you." She reached into her pocket and handed me the pitch pipe. "The Bellas need a new leader… that leader is you."

"Are you serious?" I know I lost my eyebrows in my hairline because I couldn't find them for the next two days.

"We're not going to the finals without you." Cynthia Rose told me.

"When are the finals?"

"Two days." Amy said with a creepy smile.

"Guys, I can't get a set list and choreography ready in two days."

"You do the set list, I'll do the choreography." Stacey offered.

"Deal! But you bitches better be ready for some damn hard work. Go hard or go home. Are you in?"

The collective cheer that went around the room cheered my heart but I needed to see what I was really working with. I knew these girls could sing, I had seen and heard them perform enough to know that they were all truly talented. Some of their choreography skills were a little... um... lackluster at best and I hated to say it but Aubrey couldn't dance for shit.

I had an idea so suggested we head out to the one place that we actually sounded like a real a capella team. Where we had come together and proved we were worthy of being in the finals and it had nothing to do with turning that fucking beat around.

We all headed down to the pool. The acoustics were fucking amazing and there wasn't a better place for an impromptu rehearsal with these bad ass bitches. "Let's remix this shit! Aubrey pick a song."

Aubrey smiled. "Bruno Mars. 'Just The Way You Are.'"

"Ok!"

For the first time since the Riff Off we were really able to let our hair down and have fun as a team. It also helped that we sounded amazing. I couldn't help but give Aubrey an 'I told you so' smirk. I _knew _we had potential, I just needed Aubrey to believe in me and my abilities and stop judging me for what she saw on the outside. I'm dynamite in a small package bitch!

As we walked, we brainstormed about songs we could sing at the finals. In the end, we had quite a list of songs to work with, now, I just need to mash them together and Stacie needed to work on choreography. Amazingly, Aubrey agreed to take a backseat so that Stacie and I could prove ourselves. Ok, I hate to admit this, but I was quite touched at the gesture. She fussed a bit until Chloe made her sit on her hands but to be fair to her, she kept her opinions to herself. Maybe she finally did see The Sign?

After an hour long pow wow, we all went our separate ways, agreeing to meet in the rehearsal hall at 8am sharp the next morning. Stacie and I went back to my room and set to work on set list. As I mashed the songs up, Stacie was behind me dancing around the room and I have to admit, the choreography didn't look half bad although she did launch herself at my bubble wrap calendar by accident and popped half of December and a third of November. I surprised myself by not yelling; I actually laughed along with her. Maybe this friendship thing isn't so bad?.

It was a long night, but we got a lot done. Stacie and I finally settled down about 4am but we still didn't sleep; we cut up like a couple of high schoolers.

"Beca... you awake?"

"Umm... hmmm." I mumbled back, having lost the power of real speech.

"Why did you insist on mixing that _old _song with all the newer ones for our set?"

My eyes flew open. Shit! Was Stacie on to me? "Why?"

"Really Beca? You're the one that pointed out to Aubrey that the songs we were singing were old and tired."

I took a deep breath. Stacie was right. No matter how good the set list, Aubrey was going to question one song and I needed to have someone on my side. "Umm…"

"Oh my God! That song has something to do with Jesse!"

It was now or never. "Yes, we haven't spoken since semi's and…"

"And you miss him?"

"Yeah, I do. More than I ever thought possible. Help me?"

Stacie jumped up from her spot on the floor and hugged me. "Of course!"

Maybe this wasn't going to be as hard to pull off as I initially thought.

* * *

**o~O~o**

Just as I suspected, Aubrey hated the one song I thought she would but with Stacie and Amy's help, we got her to agree, even if under duress.

The next couple of days were long and grueling. Non-stop Bella rehearsals was starting to make patience run thin for all of us but if we were going to win this thing we all had to put in the same amount of work.

The day we were scheduled to fly to New York, we were all summoned to the Dean's office for what I thought was going to be the "you're representing Barden University, put your best foot forward and behave" speech. Boy, was I ever wrong.

Turns out the Dean wanted to inform us that the performances were being recorded, not only for broadcast purposes but could, quite possibly, be used in an upcoming movie about collegiate a cappella. How fucking cool is that?! Anyway, he needed us to fill out 'Release of Liability' waivers and a few other things. _IF_ our performance was chosen for the movie, we would be paid and possibly asked to make return appearances in any sequels.

This was really fucking exciting! _IF_ we were chosen for the movie, that meant that some music producer in Los Angeles could potentially hear my mixes. I could get my name out there after all. This was a total win win situation.

After filling out the forms and speaking with the Dean, he wished us good luck and promised to watch the broadcast. He also told us that if we placed in the top three, he'd make sure the Bellas had a house that was ten times better than the one the Trebles had. Aubrey's nostrils flared and that made me happy, she still had her ballsy fighting game face. We were all hyped and squealing like a bunch of piglets, it was quite funny. Slightly embarrassing, but eh, fuck it, right? We used the time on the bus ride to the airport to get in some extra practice. We obviously couldn't rehearse the choreography in the bus, despite Amy showing us some rather enthusiastic chair dancing or maybe she just had hemorrhoids, you never know with that chick, but we could sing. We sounded great, probably the best we ever had.

Within hours, we were in New York and while everyone wanted to lose themselves in the sights and sounds of New York, we really needed to continue rehearsals. After speaking to the hotel manager, we were allowed to use an empty ballroom to rehearse, stopping only to eat the pizza that Amy had run off and secretly ordered. God, I love that girl!

After little sleep and non-stop rehearsal, I was pretty confident that we could perform the set list in our sleep, should we actually take the time to lay down. Saturday afternoon, we ventured out to see the 9-11 Memorial and surprisingly, with the promise of a hot dog from the closest Lucky Dog vendor, even Amy was able to keep quiet and remain respectful during the tour. I, for one, was quite impressed. Who knew all it would take was a hot dog to keep her quiet?

Once we were back at the hotel, the pressure was on for everyone to get dressed and get ready for our performance at Lincoln Center. It was a mad rush, but somehow, all ten of us got ready with time to spare. That'll never, ever happen again.

* * *

**o~O~o**

**Finals**

**Lincoln Center**

**o~O~o**

Arriving at Lincoln Center was exhilarating and exciting. Things were hopping and everyone was all abuzz. All performers had to arrive and check in at least two hours before their scheduled performance time. Wait! Did I just see Bumper? Why is he here? He was supposed to be off to Los Angeles for aviators, an earring and a collarless leather jacket. Wouldn't it be funny if John Mayer kicked his pompous ass to the curb? I giggled to myself as I watched Amy walk over to him. She was going to finish him like a cheesecake… just like she promised to do.

Wait! If Bumper was back… did that mean that Benji lost his spot with the Trebles? No! That couldn't happen. Jesse wouldn't allow it, even if the other guys wanted Bumper back, he had abandoned them just a few days before finals. Surely, they would all have Benji's back? He worked too hard on his solo for them to choose Bumper. No! I refuse to believe that Jesse will let that happen.

Amy was already hurting because Bumper left, she really didn't need to walk over there and listen to his bullshit excuses. Stacey went after her and brought her back to the group. We needed her focus on us not on the grimey whack-a-mole.

I noticed the Trebles had a quick little huddle while Bumper waited off to the side. Jesse delivered what looked to be bad news to Bumper and sent him on his way. Thank God! Mind you, the look on Bumpers' face was actually one of shock. I know Amy liked him and all that but _my _Jesse wouldn't shit on his friends and I knew he wouldn't hurt Benji like that. When Bumper was on his not so merry way, the guys made their way back stage.

As soon as Amy was back with the group, we made our way back stage as well. We had about ten minutes until our performance time and we needed to get her head back in the game. The stage hand gave us each a microphone as we made our way into the wings.

Amy really?! Do you have to give the microphone the rub down?! Geez! She was in a daze and needed to snap to.

"Amy!" I whisper yelled. "Knock this shit off. what the hell is the matter with you?"

"Bump-"

I cut her off before she could finish. "Oh no! No ma'am… don't let the weasley son of bitch get to you. We're here to win this thing. Now… either you put your big girl panties on and give it all you've got or so help me, I'm going to rain holy hell down on you. Got it?"

Amy straightened and smiled. "Got it!"

"1... 2... 3... Swag!"

Shit! There he is. Jesse is right there. Do I wish him good luck or do I pretend that he isn't there? Damn it! Why does this have to be so hard? And then, before I know it, I'm walking over to him. Where in the hell is my strength and self-control? Why did it have to abandon me now?

"Hey." I whispered.

He turned, looked at me in shock before saying, "Hey."

"Good luck out there. Break a leg."

"Thanks. You too."

"Thanks." I managed to say before he turned his back on me.

He boob checked me. He fucking boob checked me. Really dude? You can't say more than three words to me but you can boob check me. This dude right here… well, on a positive note, he boob checked me which has to mean something… right?

This was going to kill me. Being in close proximity to him was literally sucking the breath out of me… slowly and painfully. I wanted nothing more than to throw my arms around him and kiss him like my life depended on it, but I couldn't. I singlehandedly ruined that and all that I could now hope for was that he stuck around for the Bellas performance. I mean, I really couldn't blame him if he ran for the hills as soon as the Trebles were finished but I could hope and pray that he'd stay. I needed him to stay.

Why did he have to be so damn sexy? And why, why did he have to encourage the fangirls in the audience with his little "call me" hand motion? Was that for my benefit? I felt like going out into the audience and tell them "he's mine, back off!" But I can't do that because he isn't mine… at least not anymore, though maybe, just maybe if I'm lucky he'll be mine after the Bellas performance.

Amy and Stacie came to stand next to me knowing full well what was going through my mind.

Stacie leaned down and whispered, "You got this!"

"And if you don't, I'll sit on him while you kick him in the balls." Amy added with a wink.

And here comes Benji. Come on Benj… nail it! You got this dude!

"Oh fuck!" I heard Amy say to Stacie. "Listen to Magic Boy. Do you think we really have a shot at this?"

"Shh! Yes, I do!" Stacie whisper yelled.

YES! He did it. My face lit up like a proud parent on graduation day. When I wasn't practicing with the Bellas, I had been helping Benji rehearse his solo. I told him I owed him one after his little pep-talk and I meant it. He needed my help and I was right there to help and support him every step of the way, even if I was aiding and abetting the enemy.

And there goes Mr. Show Off flipping his microphone around like he's really magic. Is it wrong that I just want to squeeze his ass like I've done so many times before? Damn if those jeans don't hug all the right places. Oh fuckballs! I'm having a fucking nerdgasm right here, right now! My plan better work, otherwise, I'm gonna be sleeping in a bathtub full of ice water.

"Oh for fucks sake!" Amy screeched. "Now they're acting like fucking David Copperfield out there."

"Amy!" Aubrey said through clenched teeth. "Quiet."

Amy rolled her eyes. "The trebles make me wish I had more middle fingers."

Oh fuck! I need to stop and get my head in the game or we're gonna lose this thing. Turn around, give the girls a pep-talk, tell them you love them and then let's get this show in the road. I have a lot riding on this performance.

"Any words of wisdom from our fearless badass?" Stacie said winking.

I smiled because if I didn't I was going to cry right then and there. I pulled up my big girl panties and said, "I love you girls. Each and every one of you. Let's go out there, have a great time, kick some ass and take names later."

"You guy are the best." Amy gushed. "Even though some of you are pretty thin, I think that you all have fat hearts and that's what matters. OK... let's smash this!"

"All hands in!" Aubrey said one last time before she graduates in a few weeks.

"Ok, bitches, listen up... I have one last thing to say before we go out there." Amy announced. "All of you better hug your mum's and say something nice to her when this is all over. And remember, that it's all your fault that she wees a little every fucking time she sneezes or laughs. Love and sacrifice people! Love. And. Sacrifice! Let's crush this!"

I busted out in a fit of laughter. Leave it to Amy to say something about our mom's pissing their pants when we're about to go on stage and lay all out for all the world to see. Ok, so maybe the entire world wasn't going to see this but you get the point.

"Ladies and gentlemen, the Barden Bellas!"

Scanning the audience I'm looking for Jesse. What I'm about to do is completely pointless if I can't find him. There's Benji… Donald… Oh! There's Jesse. He's looking everywhere but at the stage… but he stayed. That means something, right? Ok, I can do this.

"1… 2… 3… 4…"

It's now or never! So far, Jesse doesn't look impressed, but I don't need him to be impressed just yet. I just need him to say in his seat. Stay in your seat. The girls begin to sing and I find myself getting submerged quickly into the performance. Ok, it's as sharp and smooth as it could be we're on key and sound really amazing. Aubrey's wobbling a bit but... yep, we are doing ok.

"**Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!"**

Yes! Got him! I'm looking right at him, willing him to look me in the eye. He knows what I've done. He's knows I am apologising. Suddenly the Hallelujah choir is singing with us!

"**As you walk on by, will you call my name?"**

"**As you walk on by, will you call my name?" ** He nodded. I've got him!

"**As you walk on by, will you call my name?"**

And a fist pump! I nailed it… or as Amy would say, '_crushed it'_!

I could care less about the rest of this performance or if we win. Ok, that's not exactly the truth. I want the win just to prove to Aubrey that I was right all along, but in reality, I've already won. I won the heart of the movie loving nerd and that's the best win of all.

"**Don't you forget about me!"**

"**Tonight, I will love, love you tonight. Give me everything tonight."**

"**For all we know, we might not get tomorrow, let's do it tonight!"**

And Jesse was the first one on his feet! He loved it. He loves me and I'm never going to be so foolish as to let him go again! I'm enjoying the spotlight but I have to get off the stage. I have to get to Jesse. Maybe if I start walking to the side of the stage the girls will follow.

I high fived Benji as I walked past and strutted my stuff down the aisle toward Jesse who was waiting patiently for me to get there. Throwing my microphone into one of the chairs, I finally got to Jesse. The walk seemed to take an eternity.

"Told you… endings are the best part."

"You're such a weirdo!" And that was it. I wrapped my arms around Jesse's neck and I kissed him and without warning, my body was responding in ways that I'd been missing for weeks. I missed him so much. For the first time in my life, I knew what true love was and even though we were in a sold out auditorium, it felt like we were the only ones in the room.

It's true what they say: "_If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they're yours; if they don't they never were." _My true love came back, and with God as my witness, I was never letting him go again. Fucking Scarlett.

"_**Every long lost dream led me to where you are**_

_**Others who broke my heart they were like Northern stars**_

_**Pointing me on my way into your loving arms**_

_**This much I know is true**_

_**That God blessed the broken road**_

_**That led me straight to you**_

_**Now I'm just rolling home**_

_**Into my lover's arms**_

_**This much I know is true**_

_**That God blessed the broken road**_

_**That led me straight to you.**_

_**That God blessed the broken road**_

_**That led me straight to you."**_

* * *

**o~O~o**

**After the finals...**

**o~O~o**

The Bellas won by a landslide and while everyone wanted to go out and celebrate, Jesse and I didn't feel much like hanging out with the others. We had lost time to make up for. The night couldn't have gone any better. While we all congratulated each other, Jesse never let go of my hand once. I think he was afraid if he did that I'd leave if he didn't hold on to me. I had no intention of going anywhere and linked my fingers with his tightly. I loved the way he looked at me; it was a little like seeing me for the first time yet with the familiarity we both knew we had. I, therefore, labeled it a fresh start!

Accommodations for all those competing at the ICCA's were being made at the famous Trump International Hotel. Seems Mr. Trump had not only sponsored the competition but he had attended as well. Who knew he had the time? I'm surprised he didn't yell 'you're fired!' at some point during the competition as the other a cappella groups fell by the wayside.

Anyway, after Aubrey booked the hotel rooms, my Dad called up and paid the difference to upgrade my room from the deluxe room to a junior suite. He said I deserved the treat and that after putting up with Kimmy Jin, I shouldn't have to share my space with anyone. Secretly, I think he was hoping for Jesse and I to at least talk through our problems and knew we'd need a place to do that uninterrupted. Thanks Dad! You're the best! However, I think we were past the wanting to talk stage, there was something more urgent on our minds.

After leaving everyone to argue in the lobby about where they were going to go celebrate, Jesse and I slipped away for the long journey to my suite on the 22nd floor. The elevator suddenly seemed smaller than it actually was; he, on the other hand, seemed taller, broader, more ... more of a man and I _wanted _him so badly. As soon as the doors closed, my lips were on Jesse's and his hands were all over me. Were we going to make it to the room? Or were we going to give the guests of the Trump a show?

We just barely made it out of the elevator. It was hard to walk down the hall with Jesse's body pressed firmly into my back and his mouth on my neck. I turned around so my lips could meet his but walking backwards wasn't any easier.

The guys in stiff suits that we passed in hall weren't amused at all. I'm sure they planned on reporting us to the front desk but by the time someone got up here we'd be safely tucked in my, well it was our room now.

The door wasn't opened good when it was closed again and I was pinned against it. Clothes were being shed at world record speed as we made a beeline to the bed. Our bodies moved in sync like they always had.

Looking up into Jesse's eyes and feeling his body against mine, I lost it. I felt the hot tears as a ran down my cheeks and the look of worry that found it's way into Jesse's eyes.

"Babe… what's wrong?" he asked as he wiped the tears that continued to leak from my eyes.

I reached up and took his face in my hands, "I've missed you." I said, then I kissed him gently.

"I've missed you too."

This wasn't how I pictured things going. I pictured it being fast and quick. Instead it was tender, loving and sweet. We had all night so there was no reason to rush though I was trying not to think about the fact that we had to go back to school and the real world the next day.

"_**You're more than a lover**_

_**There could never be another**_

_**To make me feel the way you do**_

_**Oh we just get closer**_

_**I fall in love all over**_

_**Everytime I look at you**_

_**I don't know where I'd be**_

_**Without you here with me**_

_**Life with you makes perfect sense**_

_**You're my best friend**_

_**You're my best friend, oh yeah"**_

* * *

**o~O~o **

As we laid in bed in our post coital glow, out of breath and completely sated, Jesse ran his fingers up and down my spine. This was where I was supposed to be. Being here, like this with Jesse, it felt like coming home but I knew something was up when he took a deep breath and sighed.

"What's wrong?" I asked and he raised himself up on one elbow to look at me.

"I wanna ask you something but I don't want you to get mad." He answered with a small smile on his lips. I wanted to kiss them but knew he needed me to listen.

"You can ask me anything." I gulped, not afraid of what he was going to say but apprehensive at the same time.

"Ok. Here goes nothing…" He said as if giving himself a pep-talk. He blew the air out of his mouth. "The night of the semi's when you stormed off… where did you go?"

"Well, I got my stuff off the bus and called my Dad. I told him what happened and he told me to call a cab and charge it to his card." I replied, honestly.

"Everyone was looking for you. We tried calling and texting. We looked for you for over an hour before we finally decided that we needed to head back to school. So, did you get a cab back to school?"

"I'm sorry. I should have told someone." I said, realizing that he was right. I hadn't even thought that they might have been worrying about me; the red mist was something else that night.

"Why didn't you?"

"No one had my back and when you had the opportunity to swoop in and save the day, you turned your back on me too." I said, a little defensively.

"Babe, we just made up… I don't want to argue."

"Me either."

"Ok beautiful, what aren't you telling me?" He asked, his voice was soft but insistent.

Taking a deep breath and sighing, "I went to my dorm, changed then went out with Luke."

"What? Why?"

"Because he invited me."

"Did you go to the Garage?"

"Yeah, for a bit. Then he drove me back to Barden. He wanted to pick up a few things at the station so we made a pit stop and... um..."

"Beca?"

"What?"

"Did something happen?" Jesse asked, his voice very thick and heavy.

"No, no, no." I said, shaking my head with each word.

"Beca?"

"No, it was ok, I handled it." I stressed.

"So something _did _happen then?" Jesse pressed me for answers.

"I don't want to make a drama out of it. He tried to kiss me and I pushed him away."

"Oh."

"Is that all you have to say?"

"Did you want to kiss him back?"

"Oh fuck no. I pushed him away Jess. Yeah, sure I was pissed at you but I..."

"It's ok. I get it."

"No, Jess." I reached over to him and gently kissed his lips. I sat upright and looked at him directly in the eye as I drew my knees up to my chest. "No."

"What did that prick do then?"

"He tried to kiss me and I pushed him away. We... we, um _exchanged _some words and I may have insulted his package."

"God, you sound like him."

"He threw some insults. He didn't like my confession that I wanted you and just you. He nearly gagged on his Britishness when I told him about us decorating his desk!"

"What did he say?"

"I can handle it."

"He upset you?

"At the time, yes. But I got my prize so I'm all good now."

"What was your prize?" Jesse asked, looking puzzled.

"You... weirdo."

Jesse reached over and pulled me back in towards him, mashing my chest against his as he kissed me hard. We _may _have fooled around a bit more after that.

We got up to shower a little later on and Jesse was quiet and reflective, like he was plotting something. I left him to his thoughts and didn't intrude.

We ordered room service and watched some TV until it was delivered. I had let Jesse choose what he liked for both of us from the menu and he chose bacon cheeseburgers and fried pickles, so he clearly paid attention and knew my favorite food.

"Dinner's here!" He laughed as he accepted the tray and signed the check. "Now, you had better enjoy this as I spent a long time in the kitchen slaving over this!"

I turned TV on and changed the channel to MTV as he set the tray down on the table and pulled out a chair for me to slip into. I tied my bathrobe around me and joined him at the table. He looked over to the TV as his favorite song came on. He sung along for a few moments and caught me staring at him. I did love his singing voice.

"I heard you singing." I confessed as I jammed a fried pickle in my mouth.

"So, you liked our performance?"

"That's not what I'm talking about."

"Huh?"

"I heard you singing the day I apologized."

"I was watching a movie when you got there... I wasn't singing." Jesse said puzzled.

"I went to apologize earlier. I heard you singing something about a giving tree."

"You heard that?"

"Yes." I said as I stroked his face. I missed this and I didn't want to fuck it up again. "Did you mean it?"

"Yes, I meant every word. I want to be your everything. I want -"

"I do want you Jess. I do need you." I said not letting him finish his sentence. "It took losing you for me to realize that."

"_**Inside I built a wall**_

_**So high around my heart, I thought I'd never fall**_

_**One touch, you brought it down**_

_**The bricks of my defenses scattered on the ground**_

_**And I swore to me I wasn't going to love again**_

_**The last time was the last time I'd let someone in**_

_**But you had me from hello**_

_**I felt love start to grow**_

_**The moment I looked into your eyes you won me**_

_**It was over from the start you completely stole my heart**_

_**And now you won't let go**_

_**I never even had a chance you know**_

_**You had me from hello"**_

* * *

**o~O~o**

When were returned to school the next day, Jesse said he had something to take care of and knowing him the way I did, I knew that meant that he would be paying Luke a visit. For the entire year, I've been tied up in the middle of their testosterone filled chess match. There was no way that this was going to end well.

After much discussion, we decided that after we both showered, Jesse would meet me back at my dorm room and we'd walk over to the radio station together. No way I was going to miss this!

We walked hand in hand, telling everyone that could see that we were together. Something Aubrey clearly did not like and had made known the night of finals. She recited the oath back to me word for word putting emphasis on "or may my vocal chords be ripped out by wolves". She reminded me of my promise but Chloe saw fit to drag her to the nearest bar for a cocktail before things could get ugly. While I did make a promise, '_the heart wants what it wants'_ and who am I to question it?

Luke was scrubbing surfaces that have seen things they shouldn't when we walked in. Upon seeing us, he gave us his Britishy version of the stank eye which is looking like he had a piece of shit under his nose and it smelled bad, then dropped his cleaning rag and Clorox Clean-Up. I think he knew why we were there which is why he tried to get to the booth as quickly as possible. I heard Jesse set his jaw.

Jesse dropped my hand, kissed me quickly. "This won't take long. Wait here."

"Oh no! I didn't come this far to miss out on the action." I said as I followed him to the booth.

Jesse tried the knob but Luke had locked it. "Luke, open the damn door!"

"No, you wanker." Luke said looking at Jesse through the glass.

"Open it or I'll kick it in!"

"Something else to add to the long list of damages you've done to the place. Don't be a pleb."

"Luke, I'm not fucking kidding. Open the fucking door!"

"You were fired-" Luke spat before Jesse cut him off.

"No! I quit! Big difference ya fucktard! Open the door!"

"You need to leave immediately you imbecile or I'll call a bobby on the beat."

"A who on the what?" Jesse questioned laughingly.

"A bobby…. on the beat! Rhymes with street." Luke said with his signature smirk. "Did I dumb it down enough for you?"

"Whatever dude! For the last time… open the damn door!"

Luke picked up his cellphone and started dialing. "I'm phoning them up right now."

"What's the matter? Scared I'll fuck up your pretty boy face?"

"No, but I want you out of my station." As Luke finished his call he said, "They're on the way."

Luke made no moves to open the door, so Jesse did as promised and kicked it in. The look on Luke's face was priceless. His eyes were as big as dinner plates and I swear I heard his knees slapping together. I have to admit I've never seen Jesse this angry but damn if it ain't hot. I might just have to take him on one of Luke's clean surfaces for old times sake.

Jesse stormed in the booth and had Luke backed up against the wall in a matter of seconds. His right forearm was across Luke's neck as they stood painfully close. "You see that girl out there? She's mine! She always has been and always will be so keep your fucking paws off! Got it?"

Luke nodded his head as best as he could given his current position. Jesse loosened his grip and told Luke, "Now get out there and apologize for being a fucking prick then you thank Beca for not reporting you to those bobbies you were talking about."

Rubbing his neck, Luke looked at me and said, "Becky, I'm really sorry."

"It's Beca!" I barked back at him. "C'mon Jess… let's go." I said slipping my hand in his.

As we turned to walk away, Jesse dropped my hand and slugged Luke. "Check mate bitch!"

* * *

**o~O~o**

**Six Years Later...**

**Cedars-Sinai Hospital**

**Room 307**

**o~O~o**

I can't believe that I've sat here and talked to my daughter like she knows and understands what I'm saying. And what I really can't fathom is how Jesse has slept through it all. I'm surprised he didn't wake up and tally the cusses. I owe the jar an awful lot after telling that story.

I've always been told that motherhood is most amazing and rewarding experience. Scarlett has physically been in our lives for less than 24 hours and already I can't imagine life without her. I should be sleeping like the rest of my little family but I just can't get enough of this amazing, sweet little girl. The one piece of advice both of my parents gave me was 'don't blink, it all goes by so fast' and so far, I don't think I've blinked once.

I'll never understand how someone so tiny and new could have the ability to make me see things so differently. I cannot wait to see, enjoy and live life through my daughters eyes. I didn't think my heart was big enough to love Jesse and the baby, but I can honestly say, my heart has grown ten sizes today. My heart is so full it could burst. This baby girl holds the key to my heart and an exciting future.

"_**In my daughter's eyes I can see the future**_

_**A reflection of who I am and what will be**_

_**Though she'll grow and someday leave**_

_**Maybe raise a family**_

_**When I'm gone I hope you see how happy**_

_**she made me**_

_**For I'll be there**_

_**In my daughter's eyes"**_

Just as I was about to give in to sleep, Scarlett started to stir. She's snuggled up on my chest, I'll never get enough of her sweet new baby smell and in my own way, I think this is exactly what Heaven is supposed to be like. Her soft, chocolate brown curls, have already been gathered into a tiny pink bow on the top of her head, compliments of Sheila.

As she yawns and starts to root, I start smiling like a fool. "Well, baby girl, I guess it's time for our next chat. What should we talk about this time?"

Jesse has been asleep for hours. I'm almost jealous but then, I'm really not. I haven't had to share the baby for hours. You'd think he was the one that pushed a seven pound baby out of his… well, look at that, I'm finally learning to censor myself.

"So, how 'bout I tell you how you got your name?"

Scarlett blinks her eyes as if to say, "Yes Mommy, please tell me why my name has 24 letters and is going to take me forever to learn how to write."

"Daddy and I were both really surprised to find out that you were a girl. For some reason, we both thought we'd have a boy first. We were so sure that we only had a boy names picked out. Uncle Benji wanted us to name you Han and Daddy wanted to name you Rocky… lucky for you I was not going to let that happen. Those two can come up with some really whacked out names. Just when I was beginning to think Daddy would never get serious about your name, he went and surprised me. He came to me one day and said, 'How about Beau?'

"I was actually surprised because it wasn't a name I had considered but I liked it. Three weeks later and no closer to selecting a girl name, we found out we wouldn't be using the name Beau. We tossed around girl names like we tossed laundry in the wash but we never could seem to find one that we both absolutely loved. I knew the name needed to be perfect but Daddy kept coming up with names like Elizabeth, Caroline, Emily and Amelia. I hated them all. They were too popular and didn't fit your personality which I was already starting to know and understand. I knew what made you tick and those names weren't going to cut it.

When I met your Daddy, I hated movies. My life revolved around music, no more, no less. Daddy has the ability to make me see things differently and try new things. I've slowly but surely become a movie lover... but please, let that be our little secret. Aunt Amy and Uncle Benji don't need to know that.

One of my favorites is the movie 'Gone With The Wind' and one day, you'll either love me or hate me for that movie. I was in college the first time I saw the movie. Daddy made me watch the entire four hour flick in one go, no breaks or pauses. I realized while watching the movie that I am a modern day Scarlett O'Hara. She was a strong willed, independent go getter and was so far ahead of her time. That's what I want for you.

One afternoon while Daddy was at a baseball game with Uncle Benji, I watched Gone With The Wind again and that's when I decided to talk to him about the name Scarlett. Surprisingly, he liked it.

So, that explains where Scarlett came from now on to your middle name. Anastasia came from a trilogy of books I read in college. I will not tell you anything about those books except to say that Anastasia was a strong, courageous, outspoken young woman; all of the things I know you'll be.

Besides, I really wanted to name you Axyl Rose but after I refused to consider all of Daddy's weird ideas, he shot my idea down immediately. He told me it wouldn't age well. 'Hi. I'd like to introduce you to my Granny… Axyl Rose.'

Once he said that I knew he was right, don't ever tell him I said that. You have to admit… Axyl Rose would be an awesome name. Maybe we'll get you a puppy named Axyl.

Initially, Daddy didn't like the name Anastasia because of where I found it. His suggestion for your middle name was Rose. Scarlett Rose… there was no way I was doing that to you. Scarlett Rose? He wasn't serious? Oh, but he was! He was ready to make an announcement. The way I saw it was your name would literally be Red Rose… sometimes Daddy can be a real moron, but he's my moron... well, _ours _now! And don't worry, you'll get used to him.

So, Miss. Scarlett Anastasia Swanson… what do you think of your name? Did we do a good job? Or did we fail our first task as your parents? I hope that you'll love your name as much as we do. We really do believe it's as special and unique as you are but if you don't like it, speak now or forever hold your peace."

Scarlett took a deep breath and made a very contented sigh as she started to drift off. She loves her name. Our first score as parents. Now we just have to ask Amy and Benji to be Godparents, oh and… tackle the next 18 years and pray that we all come out unscathed.

As I rubbed Scarlett's back, she began to wiggle into what was presumably her favorite spot on my chest. Once we were both comfortable, we drifted into a peaceful and well deserved slumber.

A bit later, I vaguely remember Jesse waking up and taking the baby from my chest.

"_**Sweet child o' mine**_

_**Sweet love of mine**_

_**She's got eyes of the bluest skies**_

_**As if they thought of rain**_

_**I'd hate to look into those eyes**_

_**And see an ounce of pain**_

_**Her hair reminds me of a warm safe place**_

_**Where as a child I'd hide**_

_**And pray for the thunder and the rain**_

_**To quietly pass me by**_

_**Oh, oh, oh**_

_**Sweet child o' mine**_

_**Oh, oh, oh, oh**_

_**Sweet love of mine"**_

"Hi Princess. You ready for some Daddy time so Mommy can rest? She worked so hard to grow you and bring you into the world safely." he said as he laid back on the pull out couch, the baby on his chest. "So, I heard Mommy telling you her side of things, how about I tell you mine? Picture this…"

* * *

**o~O~o**

**"_Love is friendship that has caught fire. It is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, _**

**_sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. _**

**_It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weaknesses."_**

**_~ Ann Landers ~_**

* * *

**A/N: **Once again I'd like to take the opportunity to thank waatp (Corinne) and Raven12 (Stacey) for all of the love, encouragement and support. Without you girls, I honestly don't think I could write these stories.

Corinne, I'd also like to thank you for making Luke Britishy! Couldn't have made him the wanker he is without you!

Hey FF Readers... Be sure to read stories written by waatp and Raven12. Their stories are epic!

* * *

**Song References from throughout this story:**

The Giving Tree - Plain White T's

Boomerang - Plain White T's

I Hope You Dance - Lee Ann Womack

In My Daughter's Eyes - Martina McBride

Sweet Child O'Mine - Guns'N'Roses

God Bless The Broken Road - Rascal Flatts

Killing Me Softly - The Fugees

You Had Me From Hello - Kenny Chesney

My Best Friend - Tim McGraw


End file.
